So I just turned 28 this week. Tuesday January 22 was my birthday.
I don't know what happens but each year when I have a birthday I get to thinking about dreams and goals and just what it is I want to accomplish with my life. This week I took some time to do that and found myself laughing and smiling at myself.... Let me explain.
2008 Goals
1. Be like Jesus - Love with all that I have and all that I am.
To have an "attitude like that of Christ Jesus"- Philippians 2:5 and to
"Be imitators of God" - Ephesians 5:20
2. To share Jesus with others -- to seek and pray for opportunities to help other people come to know and understand the Love of Jesus and the eternal life he offers them
"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" - Romans 10: 14-15
These are the big goals..... then I pray and think about what I want my personal life to look like...what are my dreams about my job, my family, my home etc.
1. To be a mom! - I can not wait to have children and raise a family. I absolutely love children and have come to understand that raising a family in the image and likeness of Christ and his church is something that I long to do and that I am excited to begin!
2. To serve in the American Church - My heart breaks and my soul cries for those people here in our churches that are asleep and dead to the life of Jesus. I know that my ministry will be focused on the American Church.
3. To have a family and a life that sets an example for other believers; one that encourages and challenges them to live a life that honors and pleases the Lord.
I often times will share these goals with the people that are close in my life; especially my mom and my dad. I know that they love me so much and unconditionally.... well mom and I were laughing just days ago as we thought back over my life.
As a young girl, I was going to be an astronaut! I loved the stars and planets. I would go to "space" camp every summer and learn more about the solar systems and the moon and the job of an astronaut! As I got older, my focus shifted to being a doctor. I was on this path for a LONG time! I was going to go to nursing school and then become a nurse practitioner and then continue on to be a pediatric surgeon. I was very driven in my studies and loved science all the way thru school. Anything that involved body parts and a scapal and I was there! Even as I interacted with friends and family in high school I always remained very focused and driven. I didn't date very much and I was adamant that I would remain single and without kids. I had no desire to be the typical "stay at home mom." I wanted the exciting city life with parties and fame and money. As I entered into college, my desire shifted yet again. This time, I took the math and business route. My mom is very successful business woman and I have seen her work really hard in her career and now after many years she sits as a Senior VP of a major company. People respect her. She has authority and power and that appealed to me. She has a beautiful home and a beach condo on the water. She has nice vehicles and is able to fly and take nice trips. I saw her life and it became what I wanted. I studied really hard in school and became an economics major. I was prepared to go to grad school and then on to earn my PhD. I thought that maybe I could run a big company one day or maybe I could teach at a major university someday. I even went as far as to enroll into grad school and again was pouring into my studies and education.....
About five years; that changed. Jesus became so real to me! I began to read scripture and serve in the church with a new energy and an new passion and enthusiasm that I had never felt before. I have loved the Lord for a LONG time, but this feeling was different. I was praying more, I was reading my Bible more and I was hungry to know Jesus.... I was hungry to need Jesus! Slowly and gradually, my shift and my perspective changed.
My entire person became different.
I no longer desired
power
money
nice cars
authority
nice homes....
Instead, I desired
love
patience
joy
kindness
goodness
faithfulness
gentleness
self-control
(Galatians 5:22).
Even as I sit here, I smile to think of the woman God has made me..... I never could have gotten here alone. The little astronaut-doctor-business tycoon wants to serve in a church and be a mom! I can't think of any other life that I want more. I am so at peace with this decision and I cant wait for God to lead me in the right direction. You want to know my secret.....
I let go of what I wanted!
I became so determined to listen and follow the will and desire of God.
I completely surrendered to any idea of life and success that I had and I waited....
I read and prayed and served and slowly and gradually.... over the course of about 3 1/2 years, this is what has emerged.
1. I love Jesus! - He is everything to me - He is ALL that I need.
2. I want others to Love Jesus! - I am determined to share Jesus as often as possible!
3. I love kids and can't WAIT to be a mom and a part of the family that desires to serve and honor God with their entire being!
4. I cant wait to serve with my husband in a church.... I can't WAIT for him to lead us into closer and deeper relationship with the Lord.
I can't help but smile! Thank you God for working in my life! Thank you for being patient with me as I struggled to find my way. Thank you for celebrating with me now as I fully know and understand who you have created me to be. I am ready and I know Lord that you are all that I need! Keep me focused and aware of your hand and guidance in my life. Thank you for loving me! I promise today Lord to go where you would have me go and be who you would have me be. I love you and I need you in my life! - Amen
