i dont wanna be funny

A friend of mine has three children.
He has two boys and a little girl.

His little girl will be 4 in January and definitely is a daddy's girl!

Today he came in and shared a story with me about a conversation he had with them over the weekend. The kids wanted to know why he married their mom. He responded with a list of qualities that he saw in his wife .... "she is pretty", "she is funny" etc. etc.

As each child took turns sharing and it was finally his little girl's turn.
My friend, looked lovingly at his daughter and told her that she was funny.
His little girl looked at him and said with certainty and force

"I don't wanna be funny daddy.... I wanna be pretty!" -- hahaha

enjoyment.

So God has been working in my life and in my journey to really show, teach and remind me how important it is to ENJOY my life. I know.... it sounds a little childish and elementary but there are some amazing lessons to learn. Let me explain.....

Each person here has been given a responsibility and a life that is unique to them and their skills. God purposelly created us to be unique individuals with different passions and different dreams and special talents. So knowing that and keeping that in mind, enjoyment is not only OK with God it is what He had in mind!!

That doesn't mean that we will not suffer hard times or have periods of lonliness or grief or sadness. The Bible teaches us that we will indeed face suffering and trials. True, authentic joy can be found only in an intentional relationship with God. Then the joy is complete regardless of the circumstances. It is bigger then the problems and triumphs of this world.

So many perople wait for our dreams to bring joy but God is teaching me that joy is what brings me to my dreams. We keep waiting for something to happen and a reason to be happy. Joy is not a supplement to life; it is an essential. It is not something that you receive when the circumstances change but rather it is what changes the circumstances!

Think for a second about the glass half empty/half full debate. The idea goes something like this: if the glass is half full then you are an optimist and if the glass is half empty you are a pessimist. I would like to challenge you for a second to consider that you were not created to be a pessimist.... that is NOT what God had in mind. Instead, the events of your life and the dissapointments along your journey have led you to a point of pessimism.

What would happen if we all practiced being astonished by life? What would happen if we purposefully looked for the beauty that is around us everyday? The point is that we have to practice seeing the beauty in the everyday areas of life.... in the trials, in the triumphs, at every peak and in every valley. When we take a moment everyday to be breathless before God for the beauty that surrounds us we begin to form a habit of gratitude and enjoyment that is contagious and positive. Eventually, we will get to a point where we begin to wonder how we never saw the beauty to begin with.

Its here. Its all around us. If we are able to tap into the joy that rests in Christ then we can truly ENJOY the life that He has designed for us. Dare to be breathless!!

its just better as a kid!

This past weekend I was reminded at just how awesome and amazing kids can be.

Friday night I became an 8 year old girl consumed with games of twister, ice cream cake, pillow fights, and fun sleepovers. All the worries of money, economy, life disappeared and suddenly the biggest decision I had to make was what pajamas I was going to wear and whether or not my Hannah Montana dance moves would earn me 5 stars!! (by the way, we played until 2 a.m. !!!!)
Conversations about school and birthdays and games lingered long after the girls fell asleep and reminded me that God is glorified in laughter and silly games.

Saturday afternoon my friend and I took two little ones downtown to Amazement Square. Its a hands on children's museum and quite frankly one of the coolest spots in Lynchburg. As we explored the 4 floors of fun and science I was suddenly a child again learning about music as we played the drums, the heart as we traveled the same path as our blood, indians as we looked for fossils and spent time in an indian hut, hunting as we felt the furs of beavers and rabbits and deers. Fun slides and zip lines were mixed in and made for one AMAZING afternoon! As I watched the kids run from one floor to the next, I was reminded that God is glorified when we learn and explore the world that He has created for us.

There is nothing like dropping the kids off at the house and them NOT wanting you to leave. The night began with games of guitar hero (I ROCK AT THIS GAME!!) and rounds of hangman. A few games of Twister and some pizza were included to make a good night even better. As I helped put the kids to bed that night, I learned about crocodiles and alligators as a soon to be 8 year old read me a bedtime story. Our night closed with bedtime prayers and extra hugs and kisses. As I pulled her door shut I lingered just a few extra seconds and watched her fall asleep. Her face looked so peaceful next to her pink pillow and pink bedspread and fluffy rabbit. I could almost hear her giggles and see her smiles. As I finally convinced myself to shut the door I was reminded that God is glorified with we take the time to kneel and pray and thank him for our friends and family.

I didn't get any cleaning done this weekend. My dishes are still dirty, my towels are the same ones I used last week, my sheets haven't been changed and my laundry is still piled up in the basket BUT my heart is reminded that God loves me and will use whatever He has to get my attention and remind me how much He loves and cares about me.

"Who knows how

He'll get a hold of us

Get our attention to prove

He is enough

He'll do and He'll use

Whatever He wants to

To tell us I love you"

Expectations.

"Pray for us, too, that God will give us many opportunities to speak about his mysterious plan concerning Christ. That is why I am here in
chains" (Colossians 4:3, NLT).

Paul was in prision as he wrote these words! His surroundings and his circumstances were dismal. I don't think many of us would argue that if he threw in the towel, he gave up to easily. His surroundings were anything but ideal, his circumstances anything but easy. Doors were closing all around him. There certainly appeared to be "limitations" to his mission and his purpose. But Paul didn't see it like that. Instead he remain focued on a God that is limitless.

This verse really challenges me. So often in my life when things are not going according to plan or get really difficult, I want to throw in the towel, stop taking the risks, quit making myself vunerable and become a recluse in my safe little world. I fail too often in recognizing the power that is God. He promises to walk with me and sends the Holy Spirit to be with me. Those feelings to shut down and become cut off from sharing and investing with others are not from God. He is still there and He is still working in my life.

I think that part of this problem comes from an issue of expectations. I expect to much of people and surroundings and don't expect enough of God. There is a dream in my heart that He has planted there and no matter how many times I fall or get hurt or burned I have to keep expecting and keep believing that He is opening doors of opportunity to share the Gospel with other people. It is my responsibility as a servant of Christ to create those opportunities and live expecting Him to not fail me.

The issue of expectations is not an easy one to overcome for me but it is necessary if I want to become the person that God desires. All I have and all I need comes from God. Not from people, or places or things but HIM.

What would happen if we not only believed that but if we all lived that truth?

Worth the Trip.....

So this weekend I went to the Southern Living Christmas Show with 7 other women!
It involved a 4 hour car ride down, upteen hours walking around in a crowded civic center, snoring sleepers, suitcase survival, and mall sprints. I should also let you know that in the last two and half years my desire to shop has dwindled to a minute nothing so this was not the ideal way to spend my weekend. In fact, I was joking with some friends that I was going to skip the show and go down the street to watch the Saturday College Football games! (GO HOKIES!) I wanted to spend time with the people but didn't necessarily want to shop for 10 hours.

But, God had a plan for this weekend and the results were amazing! I was set to drive my SUV down with my mom and aunt. We had to take more then one vehicle because of the number of people going. As the date approached, I grew completely dissatisfied with this plan and didn't want to drive .... AT ALL! I also didn't want to complain or speak up against the decision we had previously made, but in the end one of the young girls that was going decided she wanted to drive instead. I offered to ride down with her and keep her company instead of riding with the older crowd.

It was early Saturday morning when we left. I was suppose to get up at 5:15 and instead slept thru my alarm and woke up paniced that I was going to cause the group to be late! In a matter of 20 minutes I walked the dog, showered, dressed, packed, did my hair and wrote a note to the dog sitter. I was ready to go at 6:05 am when Mari pulled up out front. Our trip started with music and talks about her upcoming wedding. She was filling me in on her ideas and her plans.

Suddenly, a door opened. I am not even sure how it started or what she said but all of a sudden I found myself in the middle of a beautiful conversation about Jesus and the amazing gift of salvation. For the next 90 minutes we talked about salvation, good works, baptism, committment, obedience, church and christians. Her honesty was refreshing and real. She made no apologies for what she said or her lack of understanding. She asked questions and shared experiences. Her understanding was so mature and simple.

She wanted to know and learn and grow. She was interested in understanding and in sharing. I cherished every moment of that conversation and pray that I will have the opportunity to talk to her again. I am SO thankful she is walking away with the understanding that Salvation has nothing to do with how perfect we are or how much good or bad we have done in this world. It has everything to do with the cross and love of Jesus Christ. Its not about perfection but about honesty and committment. She no longer thinks baptism is the equivalent of Salvation but an act of obedience to the Lord's commands and has a firm understanding that Salvation is deeper then the goosebumps and emotion of the moment but is one of committment and relationship.

She isn't saved .... and isn't ready yet to make that decision in her life. I will pray for her and salvation. I pray that her heart would heal from past bad experiences. I pray that God would continue to place people in her life that would be bold in sharing their testimonies and in sharing the Gospel with her. I will thank God for the opportunity to make a difference in her life and pray for more opportunities to share with her and with her family.

As we settled back into our conversation of music and weddings and life, I couldn't help but close my eyes and thank God for helping me be aware of the opportunity to share my faith and my Savior with a child He loves and longs to be in relationship with.

Well worth the trip..... I thought as a smile crossed my face and a peace settled in my soul.

Mom hang on a second....

My co-worker has three children. She got a phone call from her middle child the other day pleading with her about going to get her back-pack. He appearantly left it at home. As she discussed the situation with her son, he put her on hold!

As she sat waiting for him to return to the phone she realized that he put her on hold to say the Pledge of Allegiance! (HOW FUNNY!) When he returned to the phone, mom asked the most important question: "How are you calling me?" The response made me chuckle..... "Mom, Im using my teacher's cell phone."

Afterwards, the conversation continued. As it came to a close, my co-worker said "I have a job so you and your brother and sister can eat. I can't go get your back pack."

Something about this conversation makes me laugh at the perspective of life from a child's perspective and a parent's perspective. I am grateful for the reminders we have and the joys we are a part of ..... like a phone conversation between a son and a mom.

"Ill pray for you"

My friend had a birthday today. I called and sang Happy Birthday to her. We chatted for a bit and at the end of the conversation I said "Happy Birthday Em." Without skipping a beat she responded "Happy Birthday to you too" Of course its not my birthday. I don't celebrate for a few more months but without even realizing what she was saying out it came. We laughed for a few minutes at the silliness of our conversation.

As I hung up, I began to think of the many program responses we have. Here are just a few.

" Have a good day" Response: "You too"
" I love you" Response: "I love you too"

I immediately began to think about the times when something happens in someone's life like a death of a family member or a serious illness. Perhaps they just got bad news about their job or their house or their child. So many people say "I'll pray for you" or "You are in my prayers"

How many times has someone shared with us an event or an experience or news with us and our immediate response is "Ill pray for you" and how many times are we actually intentional about following thru and praying for that person or that situation.

Why do we have that program response? What is it about ourselves or our discipline that makes it difficult to control what we say or when we say it? Why do we feel guilty when our response is not the norm or the everday answer?

What would happen if we actually DID pray for the people and situations that we said we would?
Even if the outcome was still not ideal .... even if the end result was still the same the Bible teaches us that God listens to us and delights when we take that time to spend with Him.

Who knew that a simple Birthday conversation would open up a door for God to remind me to follow thru with the prayer requests of others. If I say that I am going to pray, then I need to pray and leave the outcome and the results to God.

So I was on Facebook the other day .....shhhhh I tend to be a bit of a stalker!! I was reading someone's favorite quotes and came across one that I haven't been able to forget. I lingered a bit and thought that I should share it with all of you. (or the one or two of you who actually read this blog)

"If Christianity is dull and boring, if it is a burden and not a blessing, then most likely we are involved in a project, not a person - a system, not a Savior - rules rather than a relationship" - Josephy Stowell

What would the body of Christ look like if we all invested in a person and served a Savior and craved a realtionship? I imagine a place that would look quite different then the lost and broken world that we live in now. I imagine a church that more closely resembles what Paul describes in the New Testament.

Its something I want to be a part of. Its a concept that too many "christians" fail to understand.

Oh How You Love me.....

Here I sit God
Heart and Mind open to You
Amazed at How You Love Me.....

Even with my sin.
Even with my failures as a child of God.

Constantly struggling Lord with when to walk away
and what boundaries to set....
Loving to the point of vulnerability and getting hurt
so hurt.....

Trying to pretend that nothing is wrong...
Smiling and laughing
but inside....
hurting.
restless.
lonely.

Left wondering what was real...
Left wondering how it has come to this
Trying to solve what went wrong
Why am I here in this place

Then constantly amazed...
at Your gently reminder of How you Love me
How you love us....
And in that moment
"Understanding that I don't have the time to maintain this regret
when I think about How You Love us"

Understanding what that means and trying to comprehend and grasp something so
beautiful and so pure

I am face to face with the realization of just how beautiful You are
and how great Your affections are for me.....

It is that truth that assures me that while I am a flawed and sinful person
Oh How You Love me.

Thank you....
May I use that realization to reach out to others
And Love them and Forgive them with the same love and forgiveness You have shown me.

The truth....and nothing but the truth.

So, I just had a pretty crazy experience..... an experience that I am honestly a little scared and embarrassed to share. It is going to leave me exposed and open....not something that I am accustomed to do but God has pressed on my heart to sit and write and so I find myself here...writing and hoping that it will all make sense.

I left my church hom in January of 2008. I love that church.... I love those people! I was really involved and very active with many of the ministries there. I particularly miss serving the body of Christ...... especially the Youth Group and all the memories and experiences we shared. They hold a very special and dear place in my heart...... but, I left.

I began to search for a new church and a new beginning. The journey started with high expectations and hopes. I was committed to finding the spot that God had for me and was excited about all the new doors that would be opened. My heart was open, my body willing and my spirit encouraged. Week after week, I found myself in a new building with a new preacher and new people. Each week I continued to leave wishing and praying for something different....something more bold....something more authentic.

I should back up a bit in the story and tell you that I am the typical church kid. My family went to church every weekend since I was a young child. I remember sitting on the seond row of our tiny country church. We put the money in the offering plate, went to Sunday school, and sang the beautiful church hymns but it ended there..... I think it ends there for ALOT of us. There was no mention of a relationship with Jesus Christ. There was no challenge to share our faith with others. Our church settled for "playing the part." We were reading the Bible but not opening ourselves to allowing the Bible to change us. I found this in MANY churches I have visited and attended..... (the topic for another day!).

But, here I am in the Bible Belt of country where close to half of our city attends church....and I cant seem to find a place where I belong. To say I became discouraged is an understatement. Angry and Bitter might be better descriptions. I have and to an extent continue to struggle with Why it is so hard to find a good church? I followed Christ by leaving a church and a people that I love deeply and yet find myself alone.......What was wrong with me? I sat in chruch week in and week out.... good solid churches, and yet continue to crave something different.

This takes a toll on you. A very emotional toll....... With each passing week, my discouragement grew. It seemed like the more I prayed the more dissatisfied I was. What the heck? I began to dread the weekends because I knew it meant another church...another service...another time that I would be disappointed.

This morning was no different. I was up last night at midnight looking thru the phonebook and listening to church voicemails for their service times...hoping that I might find somewhere to go. I finally decided on a place and time around 12:30 and ended my day with a prayer.... a prayer that God would open my eyes to the truth and the ways that He is working in me. It was simple and yet so complete.

As I left the house this morning, I instantly became overwelmed with a dissatisfaction with going to this service I had chosen. I didn't want to go....I found myself calling a friend and sharing with her a bit of my struggle. What should I expect from a church? What is there role in this life? Am I asking for something that doesn't exist? I want to "get in the game" but I also don't want to settle for "looking the part." That is simply not good enough. God didn't call me (or you) to a life of nothing better then average. I decided to go with her, yet again, to her church. I knew what to expect and at least felt that the service might be one that would challenge me. I prayed on the way to church, that God would stir something within me and help me to eliminate any distractions or prior experiences. I didn't want anything to get in the way of what He wanted me to hear and what He wanted to share with me today.

Worship was amazing (as usual) .... "Your Grace is enough", "Jesus Paid it All" and a David Crowder song. (I cant remember the title but the lyrics go "sing a song of hope. to know you and be loved it enough....) GREAT songs..... good worship. The service title.... "Bring It." The pastor began to preach on the Great Commission found in the last chapter of Matthew. He also preached from James Chapter 1 where it discusses not only reading scripture but doing what it says. He challenged us to stop deceiving ourselves and then closed out the sermon with the parable of the Vine and the Branches found in John 15.

Ready for this.... his message was about the role of the church!!! He layed out three reasons that church exists and shares with us some of his concerns with the trends in churches today. His trends.... settling, going thru the motions, not getting in the game! There is more..... he then goes on to talk about how the church today is failing to meet the needs of those people who have committed to Christ and trying to lead Chist Centered Lives! He talks about how so many disciples are discouraged and dissatisfied with church and find themselves left wanting more! I honestly couldn't believe what I was hearing. He admitted to not knowing the answer to this problem but then also said he was looking for help from people to find the solution. WOW!

Now I am not saying that this is my church or where I should be...... I am thanking Christ for validation that my questions are ones worth wrestling with. I am glad that I am not settling and maybe Brentwood is the right church. I do know that I want to "Bring It" and I also know that until I take ownership of my own relationship with Jesus and truly understand that the relationship I have with Him is my responsbility I will be left wanting and desiring more.

How awesome, that God would choose to speak to me today. I can see the ways that he is working in me and I didn't allow anything to distract my attention or pull me away from what He wanted me to hear.... I am so grateful that I have a relationship with a Man who died on a cross to save my life and that He loves me enough to not leave me where I am today!

Movin, Movin, Movin

So my house is on the market. Thats right, I am one of the crazy people trying to sell their house at quite possibly the WORST time. Its been for sale for about a month now and each day, I box up just a few more things. It amazes me how much stuff I have accumulated in such a short amount of time. I'm not joking.... I have ALOT of "stuff!"

Each time as I open another closet or look underneath another bed I am amazed at all the things that I had forgotten that I had and all the things I didn't need anymore. I always end up with three piles: trash, give away, keep. Kinda like the show "Clean Sweep" for all my TLC fans!!
(Get back on track Kel!) I cannot begin to tell you how much stuff I am throwing away and how much stuff I have not used in months! And the really funny thing is, how even though I forgot it was there and that I haven't used it in over a year, I am still having trouble letting go and giving it away.... There is some part of me that wants to keep it "just in case" or for that "one special occassion."

I can't help but draw the comparison here.......to my life, our lives. How many of us need to box some stuff up and get rid of it? How many of us have a trash pile that is just getting bigger and bigger in our hearts and souls? How many of us can't part with something and want to keep hanging on "just in case?" Maybe its an old relationship.... or a regret. Maybe its something from your childhood that remains unresolved.

It is such a challenge to box the past up and such an uncertain thing to get rid of something that has so many emotions attached to it.... whether they are positive or negative. If we continue to hang on to things "just in case" or wish that something could be different/changed, we get hung up in the past. We begin to focus on what should have been or could have been or might have been and we miss out on today!

So what happens when we get rid of the trash and dont need piles? We have room to grow. We have room to expand into new lessons... new relationships.... new places...... new memories. God desires for you to walk with Him. He doesn't want you to remain the same. His dreams for you are so much bigger and more fluid then that.

Father God, help me understand what trash I need to throw away and what parts of my life I need to let go of. Help me to make rooom in my heart and soul for the newness You desire. Forgive me for the times I hang onto those things that get in the way of my relationship with You. Thank you for the memories and the lessons they taught and thank you for the excitement of what lies ahead. I love You.

Dreams.....

As a child, I remember dreaming of becoming a lawyer.
For a while I wanted to be an astronaut.
I even went to space camp every summer!
My dreams developed in middle school and high school to be a pediatrician
Then a pediatric surgeon.

I remember a defining moment in my life.....
I was a second semester sophmore in college and got very sick.
I have Weber Christians Disease and came face to face with the realization that I may not get better and that this disease was something that would not be cured and most likely would not go away. Looking back on this moment, I see that I gave in too easily.
I decided that studying to be a doctor was most likely impossible and fulfilling the demands of medical school were almost impossible so I let go and moved on.

While letting go and moving on may not be a bad thing, I realize now that I gave up too easily on my dream. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a doctor and I don't want to work in the medical field. My passions have changed since that day, but what I didn't do for the longest time was dream.....

I didn't know where to go and didn't have another plan.
I had wanted to be in medicine for the longest time and didn't know any other way.
I see now that I conceeded too quickly and while I did ultimately understand that I didn't want to work in medicine I lost out on dreaming....

Dreaming of a world of possibilities.
If you talk with kids today, they will tell you of aspirations to be pro sports players, lawyers, pilots, business owners, beauty queens..... the list is endless.
Somewhere along the way we lose that.....somewhere along the way we let go of those dreams and confirm to and adapt to a life where we are not fulfilling our potential.

Now dont get me wrong.....
I am not saying that all dreams are worth pursuing.
Sometimes we have fantasies and misunderstand the important difference in dreams and in fantasies....

But, we need to dream BIG! The bigger our dreams the more we succeed.
The more passionate we are about life, the more significance we have in our part of the world we touch.

We, people, are the greatest resource this country has for lasting change.
God created us to be different and more complex then any other thing of this world.
And yet, somewhere along the way we lose the passion to dream BIG and settle for some version of ourselves and never live up to the potential we have.

So whats wrong with settling you might ask?
Because like an epidemic the idea of a mediocre life spreads like wildfire to other people......
We squelch any desire they have of becoming the best version of themselves and in following thru.

Instead of being an innovator and pioneer we lead comfortable and safe lives and conform. Let me be the first to say, that I don't dream big enough. I forget that the Creator of this Universe is capable of doing ANYTHING and is just waiting for me to ASK.

Ask BIG
Dream BIG
and be AMAZED when God comes thru!

So what happens when you dream big and succeed.....
you give other people permission to do the same.
When your light shines bright and people see the difference you are making and the impact you have, you unconsciously allow them to do and be the same.

Imagine the greatness and significance that has for this world.
A world that is missing out and under utilizing its greatest resource,
US!

Thank you??

Another July has passed.
Fall is just around the corner....
Another season behind me.
This season was one filled with lots of questions
no answers.

I was questioning so many things,
understanding where I failed
and deciding where I wanted to go

Coming face to face with who I was....
the good AND the bad

Struggles about dreams that were unfulfilled
Doubts about what the next step should be
Lack of Understanding about why things were happening or....
Not Happening.

I got to a place where I was just existing.
A place where the days ran all together
I didn't have my spark. I didn't have the fight.
I was hurting and lonely and couldn't fix it.

Scripture is filled with verses and passages to offer hope in times like these.... to offer encouragement and to remind us that God is there. I was reading these Scriptures and clinging on to each phrase.... it just wasn't enough. I could tell you all of the right things to say in response to any question about trial, but I didn't "feel" that way on the inside.

I wanted to feel that way.
I wanted to be OK with my circumstances trusting that God's plan was bigger but I didn't live like I knew it, I was having trouble living like I was OK.

I talked with Family.
I confided with my friends.
I looked for the answer and prayed for help.....
Nothing

I can't believe what I am about to say..... but I just want to say Thanks God
Thanks for not giving me the easy way out
Thanks for not rescuing me with my first tear
I understand that this had to happen......
I don't even fully grasp or comprehend why. I can only see a tip but even the part I can see, I am so greatful.

I know God now, better than ever, that I truly NEED You in my life.
I can go thru the motions and even succeed in the eyes of this world...
but it would be for nothing.

I have grown to Love you in way that I never knew was possible.....
I can't even articulate it or put it into words.
I don't have an analogy or an understanding of what to compare it to.
This feeling.... this emotion.... this reality is so real, so authentic, so raw, so passionate.

Now that I have gotten to this place.
Its a choice.... a choice to believe that YOU are bigger then any problem.
Its a choice to let YOU in.

What I had to give up... the dreams I had to let go of.....
those pale in comparison to the peace and fulfillment I have now
in this moment.

A thank you doesn't seem sufficient.

I am at a loss of words.... but my heart and my soul have never been better.

I still have the questions and the doubts but I don't have the burdens or the worry. I am filled instead with a passion to live this life with Him. Finding my strength and my answers in the quietness of my prayers and in the CHOICES that I am free to make.

This is what You have wanted all along.... for me to decide to let go. I can see that now. I understand what that means now. I feel that way and the release is magnificient. I understand that it can't be the desire of my family or of my friends.... It can't even be the desire for You. I have to make the CHOICE.

Now, that I am here in this place, truly surrendered and ready to liste, I am SO EXCITED about the plans that You have and the places You want to take me to. I am done worrying and playing it safe. I can see a world and a people who Need you and I am saying proudly and without hesistation that I am ready for this journey.

I have you and truly that is all I need.... truly.

That realization and UNDERSTANDING has truly changed me....
my priorities, my passions, my values, me.
The change has been inward.
Its not something that can be heard or touched.
It can't be ariticulated and won't show up on a written test.
Its a life that will be lived with a difference.....

A sign of contentment and excitement
Content for the blessings and place God has me today
but so VERY VERY EXCITED for the places that He is going to take me tomorrow!

Time to Remodel?

I was sitting in the Raleigh Airport on Friday night....
waiting to take flight to Tampa to visit my mom. As I sat there, a family sat down across from me. Looked like a mom, dad, aunt and two brothers. They were on their way home from vacation..... home was Orlando FL. As they sat there reading and grabbing a quick dinner, mom pulled out a magazine from her carry-on.

On the cover it had the following catch phrase: "100 Ways to Improve your Kitchen"

The conversation that followed included a family discussion on the improvements needed for their kitchen....everyone weighed in with the ideas on what to include or remove to make the "dream kitchen" The likes and dislikes were vast and included everything from granite countertops and stone fireplaces to custom cabinets and stainless steel appliances. The list continued...... each thinking they had the perfect plan to make their kitchen the best!

Do you have a wishlist..... a wishlist for your life. Maybe your list includes a nicer home, a new car, more money, to be married, to have children, to have the lastest electronics, to be thinner, to have longer hair or a bigger TV..... The world we live in has convinced us that if we could just get ____________ ( you fill in the blank) that life could begin or be better......

And so our quest begins. We look everywhere and try every trick. We are desperatly searching and hoping and wishing that the answer could be found. We want to fee alive and so we pursue wealth, power, success, pleasure just hoping its the answer.....

WHAT WE ARE SO OFTEN WILLING TO SACRIFICE IS THE VERY THING MOST ESSENTIAL FOR LIFE -- A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST.

So if you find yourself remodeling or on a journey looking for an hoping for more out of life....start and center your remodeling with Jesus. Sure you can remodel without him and even live without him.... we see that everyday. But if you want the answer to what you are looking for...... you have it with Him, In Him. You won't be disappointed!

Turning Point

So here I am at midnight....
typing and filled with so many feelings and things that I am trying to think thru
I can feel the tears building and my eyes burning


Here I am in this world....
Trying to make sense of it all and learning that
some things are just never going to make sense.
Almost as if the chaos is "normal"


I am making all of this harder than it should be.
I am complicating things.....


I don't know how to fix it.

I am all out of answers and find myself tired and exhausted
and feeling all alone.


I know that You are there.
I know that I am the one who has left....
The more I try to find You the more lost and alone I feel.


I cant take another step.
I am done trying to fix it by myself.

Instead, I just want to run into your arms.
I want to feel the strength of your hands surround me and protect me.
I want to hear the gentle whisper of Your voice tell me that You love me.


My heart longs for more....
burns to know you more.
to serve you more.
to love you more.


Again, I have put my trust in something other than your blood.
Something, that has left me crumpled on the floor

Tired
Weary
Broken



I know YOU are the answer.
Nothing short of You is going to help me....
Move me into the place and position You desire.

I am ready to go.
To leave all that I think will make me happy and content....
Ready to truly let it go and follow you....
wherever that leads me.

You know my deepest desires.
You understand my element and what makes me complete better than I do.
Take me there.....

I don't want to waste another moment in this world
A world that is filled with beautiful people
A world that is filled with opportunities

Use me God!
I am ready.....
I will go anywhere...
I will do anything.....
I know the risk that I am taking but also the reward to be gained.

You have so much to offer... so much more then any person or any thing this world can offer.
Everything pales in comparison to complete surrender!
I am there.....

Content where I am.
Understanding that my life is overflowing with blessings.....

But ready for what is next
Longing to grow and learn and be different
Not wanting to waste another second!

I am here....
Listening.
Ready.
Willing.

Communicating to Change....

Have you ever met someone w ho liked to argue?They like to sit around sipping coffee and having deep discussions....They like to debate and point out whats right and whats wrong with a particular topic.I am pretty sure we all know people like that!

I have been challenged lately to let those arguments go.
I am learning that the only lens that matters is the lens of Jesus. Let me explain.....The purpose of my communication with someone is to inspire and challenge them to live their life differently. Ultimately, I want them to decide that living for Jesus and having a relationship with Jesus is what truly matters. Period!

When I am in conversation with someone whose views and positions are different then my own, it is very natural for me to become defensive and begin to create a list of all the reasons that I am right and all the reasons that they are wrong. That is the flesh side of dealing with an issue.

What I am learning, is that sometimes I have to let it go. Sometimes people are not interested in hearing what I have to say and just want to talk and argue for the sake of talking and arguing.....

I can not control the motives or reasons that a person addresses me.... I can control only how I respond and only how I choose to react.I think in situations like that, the most important thing to remember is that your actions and words must reflect the change that you desire. Everything has to be filtered thru the lens of Jesus. What can I say, how can I act, what can I show that is going to challenge them to live for His glory.

It is not my job to change them. I can't and don't want to change them. The only person who can do that is God. I don't want to carry that burden! I instead, want to make sure that all that I say and all that I am about lets the light of God shine thru to the world He has created. I can't fix them. Only God has the power to do that!That means walking away from a discussion even when you know you are right. That means learning to be quiet when it would be easier to just tell them what you think. That means that building the relationship is more important then winning the fight!

I don't just want to talk about it and study it.... I don't just want to say it with my words and my journals. I want to live it, breathe it, become it! When I learn how to change my responses and my motives, God receives the glory -- That is what its all about.

I am going to leave those deep discussions about all the issues around the coffee be left up to someone else. My life and my being are defined not by how well I can argue my points but by how I respond to God's will EVERY day!

"All you need is Love...."

Ever heard that Beattles song....

"All you need is Love Love Love
Love is all you need"

As I sat across the table from my cousin and VERY dear friend
I just began to talk about alot of things....
Things that have been bothering me and things that I have been wrestling with and processing for the last couple of months.

I absolutely love people! Doesn't matter their age, gender, personality type....
I love to talk to other people and find out about them... what makes them tick.
What is important to them? What do they enjoy? What do they value?
Anything.... I love getting to know new people.
I can talk to just about anyone... seriously. And, for the most part, I am genuinely interested in what they have to say, especially if it is about them as people.

Jen reminded me that I have a very big heart.... a heart that loves to love others..... a heart that loves to help people and a heart that loves to make other people happy. Sometimes the intentions behind that are questioned but truly, that is what I like to do. I absolutely love to find out what makes someone happy and do it.... over and over again. If I am aware of a need or something that someone wants done, I will be the first to volunteer to help. Doesn't matter what it is....

I have been known to create Power Point Presentations
Coordinate Wedding Ceremonies/Receptions
Paint Children Musical Backdrops
Type Greek Commentaries
Open up my home for a weekend/week/month to people who need a place to stay....
Learn to play the piano
Help people Move

Honestly, doesn't matter. I enjoy doing things that help people. I enjoy making a difference in their life.

I don't really expect much in return. I love visiting and spending time with people.... I think that is what I enjoy the most really. Just spend time with me. Give me you and that is the best way to show me that you love and care about me.

What I am learning is that character trait puts me in a very vulnerable spot consistently! As you can imagine, it is easy to get overextended and feel used and tired. It is easy to have your feelings hurt when someone doesn't respond to your generosity with thankfulness.

A friend once explained it like this.....
a relationship exists between two people.
On their best day, each person brings their own sets of strengths/weaknesses to the relationship. My strength....the ability to love someone.
My strength might be different then someone else's strength.

Consider for a second, the following analogy.
Imagine that you can measure love.
Lets say that on my best day I am capable of loving someone 150 units.
Now lets say that same person on their best day is capable of loving me 50 units.
I understand that my best and their best are on two different levels.
I understand that even on their "A Game" their best will not look like mine.
And that goes for the reverse as well.....

So what does this mean? How does this affect my life?
I should never expect someone to give me what I give them. I should not expect someone whose best is 50 units to give me 150 units. That is not realistic.... it isn't fair.
If someone can never fufill my expectations, then what is the point of them trying at all?
That doesn't mean that I shouldn't encourage them to grow. That does't mean that I can't try to challenge them to do better and be more.
I think the idea of encouragement and discipline is VERY biblical....

All I can ask is that they try to be their best
All I can expect is an effort that parallels my effort
And when they do try and when they are striving to make sure that I am saying "THANKS" in whatever form that looks like

The ordinary events of an Extratordinary Savior!

I can't believe that it has been almost 2 months since I have posted anything! I have had a lot going on those weeks of silence. Some I am still working on.... some that I have figured out.

So I was thinking alot about life....

My heart is committed to glorifying God. My heart is to let His light shine and to be all that I can be for Him EVERY DAY!

I think what I am learning is that while my heart may be that, I am still struggling a bit with LIVING like that... Living in a way that inspires other people to change. GULP!
That is a hard thing to admit.... a REALLY hard thing.

A lot of people talk about a person's character and a person's habits. I have been thinking about that a bit.... and I have come to the conclusion that we are not born with our character or our habits. Those are things that develop and mature with time and experience.

I think that so many Christians, myself included, look for that bottom of the 9th, two outs, man on third moment.... So many of us want the THRILL of following the Lord.... that once in a lifetime moment that takes your breath away. That illuminating/cloud 9 experience that you will ride on for a while. There is nothing wrong with that.... but those moments don't develop character. Those are not the moments when habits are formed!

Habit and Character are formed in the common days of life. Those habits and character are developed in the routine tasks and normal activities of every day. I am a normal person who leads a normal life and sometimes I allow myself to be hindered by the "big moments" of Jesus and miss out on the marvel of God's grace in my ordinary life.

What I am learning is how to take an ordinary task, an ordinary day, an ordinary encounter and let God's light shine in a way that illuminates everything that I want to be about. I am aligning my heart's desire with my life habits and my personal character...

So many of us are hindered by us looking for the big thing to do. We forget that Jesus took a towel and washed his disciples feet. We forget that He rode on a donkey. Those are ordinary events that an EXTRAORDINARY Savior uses to teach me.... to teach us!

The habits and character we build today are just as important as when we step up to the plate to hit it out of the park.... maybe even more important! Use EACH moment of EACH day to LIVE a LIFE that speaks the truth about the GLORY of God.

He can use those moments and our desire to make a difference..... A difference in the lives of others. A difference that brings our character a little closer to His and challenges someone else to Live their life differently.

That's what I want my life to be about....

God, sometimes I allow the trill of the Big Moments get in the way of my habits and character that you are trying to build and shape today. Help me to align my heart's desire with my actions that challenges people to live their live differently.... Help me to LIVE each common moment in a manner that allows Your Grace to be seen and felt by others. I thank you for reminding me of that You can be glorified in my common tasks and daily routines. I love you! - Amen

A Different Perspective

I got the phone call.... Monday Morning around 7:30am
It was my brother Bryan
Uncle Mac had passed away that morning

He had been sick for a long time with cancer
He told our family long ago that he didn't want any treatment
He was going to die at home, not in a hospital

I talked with mom later that morning
She seemed quiet and distant
2 brothers in 4 months is a lot to handle
I didn't know what to say

I didn't know Mac very well
He lived in Philly for most of his life
He eventually moved to Avalon NJ for the last two years of his life
He was 55 when he died

I decided to go to the funeral
Not because I knew him well or felt a great personal loss
I was worried about mom and Uncle Mike and Aunt Andrea
I wanted to be there for them.....

The trip was 9 hours
I prayed along the way for three things
God be Glorified
My family to be comforted in their loss
And that relationships with Jesus would be strengthened
I wasn't sure exactly what I was getting myself into really.....

I arrived Thursday afternoon around 4pm
I immediately walked the 4 blocks to the beach
The most peaceful place on earth
Sand between my toes
Wind that would take your breath away
Ocean air that smelled fantastic
And shells.... HUGE shells

I began to understand why Mac wanted to die here....
so peaceful
so quiet
so beautiful

I returned to the house where he died
No one was there.
As I walked up the front steps, mom pulls into the driveway
I give her a big hug and kiss
She assures me she is ok and ushers me in to meet Mac's best friend Richard
He reaches for my hand and instead of shaking his hand I lean in for a hug
Something about that hug.
I didn't want to let go - my eyes began to well with tears.
I didn't see that coming but I could feel his loss and his sadness

Family comes in that night
Uncle Mike Aunt Judy Maureen Kyle Mary
Aunt Andrea
Kim
Later Bryan and Irene arrive

We had dinner and small talked for a while
Everyone was ignoring the door closed on the first floor
That was Mac's room
The room where he died
Later that evening mom said there were things that Mike and Andrea should go thru
Things that belonged to Mac
They went into the room......
I heard laughter and talks
Then it got quiet
They left with wet faces and red eyes
My heart was hurting for them.... their loss seemed so real.
So concrete.

Mom sat down that night and told us everything
Mac's final days
His pain and His joy
She told me about her final conversations
She told me about friends who came hours to be with him and say good-bye
She told me about neighbors who bought plates and plates of food to the house
She told me about Mac's final hours
Her last time with him and the pain he was in
I just sat there and listened.
She needed me to listen.
I didn't have any magic words to say.
I didn't know Mac. There wasn't anything comforting about this situation.
2 brothers in 4 months......

The next day is a blur
We all got ready and went to the church
Mom introduced me to Mac's Friends
Tommy Reeder, Burke, Richard....
They talked about Mac all day.
They shared stories and laughed.
Bagpipes played that day.....
There wasn't a dry eye in the house
Mac had a very rich Irish heritage that he was very proud of

The stories about Mac were warm and inviting
Stories of him sailing from Maine to Key West
Stories of a birthday party with food from every shack on the NJ island
Memories of Rolling Stones concerts and sing-songs
T-shirts made for friends
Pictures that were worth a thousand words
Smiles and tears filled the house and room that day

Each story revealed a different side to Mac
A side that I had never seen
A person who seemed so distant and so different then my memories
I felt the love others had for him
I mourned with them over the loss of a friend....a brother.... a leader
I wasn't expecting this loss
I wasn't sure where these emotions were coming from.

I drove away Friday night with memories of an uncle who was loved
With memories of an uncle who did love and care for others
With thoughts of his friends who missed him and loved him so much
I drove away from Avalon with a love for Mac that I never had
A different perspective and a loss of my own

I left that quiet/tranquil/peaceful place understanding him better then when I arrived
Knowing more then when I came
Being challenged by God to not feel this loss anymore
Not of death but of not knowing the person
The person behind the tears....
Thats my sadness
I missed out on knowing andloving an uncle

The Responsibility of Freedom

We make choices everyday.
Some of the choices are small like

- What am I going to wear today?
- What do I want to eat?
- What door will I use to get into the building?

I imagine that we make those choices with little or no effort and I imagine that we make those choices without stopping to pray and seek God directly for the answer.

Some of the choices we make in life are much bigger like:
- What college will I go to?
- Should I marry my girl/boy friend?
- Should I sell my house and move?
- What church should I attend....

I know that when confronted with large decisions, I often take time to seek out other opinions from family and friends. Most importantly, I pray and seek God's will for the answer and direction to take.

Whether the question is big or small, simple or complex, easy or hard, we are left with the choice. It is up to us to decide how to respond. Yes, God knows what will happen before we do but we also have Free Will to make the decision.

I don't think in any situation I have come across that God has "spoken" directly to me and given me the answer. Its not like the phone rings or I open my e-mail or check my Facebook and have a message from Him. He chooses not to operate like that.

I have the responsibility to make the decision....
to act godly or ungodly
to indulge in the sinful nature or walk way
to love my family or hold gurdges and not forgive

I don't know about you, but I definitely "feel" the responsibility of my freedom.
I owe God my best; ALL the time.
He has left it up to me and has given me the opportunity to choose....

The question that I have been asking myself this week is "How do I honor God with my freedom? What can I do to make sure that He is receiving the Glory for the choices that I am making?"

I am still working on the completeness of the answer but I know it starts with Loving Him. I know that when I submit to His will and choose to "live by the Spirit" that He is Glorified. I think that involves several things...

• a desire to hear what He is saying - thru prayer, thru worship, thru my pastor, thru the people in my life
• a readiness to obey God's Word - not just some of it. not just the parts the like; but ALL of it. A committment to seeking His will thru scripture.
• and a sensitivity to discern between my feelings and thoughts and His promptings.

The other part of this answer lies with serving each other.... to "Love your neighbor as yourself." We all know that is easier said then done. But when I make the decision to love and to serve the people that God loves, He is glorified. It also results in unity of the body of Chirst. United, standing together, we are much stronger and able to defend ourselves against Satan and our sinful nature.

I think that the final part of this answer lies in my committment and determination to speak the Gospel with boldness and clarity. God is glorified when we take the opportunities He gives us to reach out to others with the Good news of Salvation.

When I do these things with my life something great and wonderful happens to me. I have a peace in my heart. I have a peace in my soul and in my life that is from Christ. That peace is the direct result of my God being glorified and honored becuase of my decisions and actions.

"The freedom to do your best means nothing unless you are willing to do your best." — Colin Powell

THE question.....

So, a friend of mine interviewed for an internship last week. He is studying to be a pastor and so before he can "officially" graduate he has to complete an internship with a senior pastor in a church.

Anyways, during the interview, the pastor was telling him a story about a recent event he spoke at at Ferrum College. While there, he asked the students the following question....

"If you could ask God one question, what would you ask?" -- Hmmm..... I wasn't there but I imagine that the questions sounded something like this

• Why did my ________ die?
• If you are a just God, then why does my sweet innocent child suffer every day?
• How do we acheive world peace?
• What job should I have?
• Why am I battling with addicition/depression/eating disorder(you fill in the blank)
• Why do terrible things happen to good people?
• Why can't we find a cure to cancer or a solution to fight terrorism?

The pastor continued to explain that when the students were done asking their question, he responded that the if he were sitting face to face with God, he would want to know only one thing;

What do You want?

WOW! A four word sentence that asks the most important question..... "What, God, do you want from me?"

Ever since Caleb told me this, I can't get it out of my mind.... I keep coming back to it. I keep praying and talking to God about it. That question is so simple and yet so complete....

I am at a point in my relationship with the Lord, where I am trying to live each day and each moment for His glory. I recognize and know that my physical body is only my temporary home and that everything, including my life, is His.

When I die, I want my life to count....not for my glory or my benefit but for the glory and benefit of Chirst. I want to know that God was able to impact the world because of my willingness and obedience and surrender to Him and His plans....

This question has challenged me to think about how I approach ministry... how I approach the church. The answer to this question is not a mystery.... its not locked up in some hidden treasure chest on a deserted island that can never be found.

God desires the salvation of ALL people! He desires EVERYONE to be in a relationship with Him. If that is His desire, if that is His want, then it must become ours too. It must become our passion and our mission as well. That doesn't mean that all men should quit their jobs and go preach or that all we should all pack our bags and head to Africa or China or Trinidad.

It does mean, that sharing Jesus Christ with others is the purpose and the mission of the body of Christ. Nothing short of Him is going to change people's lives! Nothing! If we profess to be Christians, and desire to walk in the will and spirit of God, then sharing the Gospel is necessary!

Our church, our ministry, our families, our lives should be centered around our relationship with Christ and our committment to sharing the Gospel with others and asking God to use us to bring people into relationship with Him. At the end of this life on earth, that's what matters!

What would happen if more Christian leaders and more Churches were focused on that mission? What would happen if more people were asking that question "God, what do you want?" I know that is where I want to be. I know that I want to be in a church that is about reaching people with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am desperate to live a life in need of that Gospel and in desperate desire to show others their need for it too.

through His eyes....

My cousin Katie and her husband Jimmy just had their first baby boy.
They named him Braedon James Hahn.

I haven't met him yet, but I have seen pictures and I have heard the pride and love in the voices of mommy and daddy..

Jimmy has been sending us pictures of the baby about once a week. Each week they have him all dressed up in the cutest little outfits. The first week, the family got a slide show of Braedon. A slideshow that revealed Jim's dreams for his new little guy..... star player for the Nittany Lions! Yup, thats right! Braedon is going to play PSU football in 18 years. I imagine that Katie has some dreams of her own for the new man in her life.... maybe a doctor or a lawyer.

As I talk with them about Braedon, they are already imaging the great things he is going to do for his life. They are planning all the activities that he is going to do and imagining all the success and happiness that he is going to have. They have plans for Braedon and love him so much already even after 2 weeks.

The same is true of each of us too. When we were babies and even kids growing up, our parents always were planning and imagining what we would do with our life.... maybe it was a famous singer, or a pastor, or working with youth, or being a teacher ...... When they looked at us, they saw our potential. They imagined the best. They loved us sooo much and cared about us sooo much they only wanted us to see our dreams come true.

God has dreams and plans for us! He has been planning and imagining and wants only the best for us. If Katie and Jim love Braedon this much after only 2 1/2 weeks imagine how much God loves you! Imagine the plans he has for your life. Try to picture in your mind what he sees when he looks at you. He is your Father and cares and loves for you more then your mom and more then your dad. He loves you and has big plans for you!

The Bible reminds us that God has plans for us.... and not just mediocre plans but plans to prosper and not harm. Plans to give us hope and a future! I am amazed to think that the God of all creation, would care enough about me to have plans for me..... and love me enough to plan a life of prosper and hope.

I am amazed that God, my God, the God of all creation, cares enough about me to not allow me to stay the same. He cares enough to move me from my sin, my failing body and into an everlasting relationship with Him. WOW! Let that sink in for a moment.....

I am His child and He is my Father.

my pursuit.

What am I pursuing in my life?
What is it that drives and motivates me?
What is it that I need?

I have so much in my life.
Too much really.
I have been given so many things...
health, a good job, a family that loves me, friends that challenge me, a beautiful home, education...
I have been given so many things.

I take them for granted. I depend on it....
too much.

I want my life to be consumed with pursuing God....
I want to love and be like Him.
Pursuing the things of God like
righteousness, mercy, grace, humilty, patience, forgiveness

But in a world that is so consumed with wealth and fame
With a society that is so concerned with having the newest or the best
A place where for many God exists only when something wrong happens and they need him
It is so easy to get consumed with me...

I want to live a life that is in desperate need of him every day!
One that shows that need and becomes vulnerable for him always....

Our society is so focused on the easy fix.
Lets patch the hole and keep moving.
I am done patching holes.
I am done looking for the quick fix.
I desire to be completely broken and healed by my Savior.

I desire a relationship that is so real and so complete that my need for him
becomes my pursuit.

Dare to be.

I think there is something in the water....
Or maybe something that we are eating?
Ok, not the water or the food but perhaps our age and our spot along the journey.

I have had conversation after conversation with my family, with my friends but most importantly with God about marriage and relationships and love. I am growing and learning alot. I am being challenged and encouraged to think outside the "norm" established by this world and to look beyond what I "feel" to what I "know."

It's no secret that I want to find my life partner. That person who loves the Lord and is truly dedicated to sharing their faith and their relationship with Jesus with others. A person who I can believe in and support. One that will lead me and our children and be the head of our household. It's also no secret that for whatever reason, that hasn't happened in my life. Let me be INCREDIBLY honest with you right now and say that it has been a huge struggle for me. The lonliness that comes from being by yourself is VERY real and incredibly difficult to overcome at times. I think that it is safe to say that I have been frustrated by God's timing in this area of my life.

I do not think that we are asked or expected to be "content" in our singleness. I do not think that God wants us to be comfortable in our lonliness. I know that He understands the pain and the emptiness that we feel. The desires that I have to be a mom, to find a husband, to have a family, to support my husband ..... these are from God.

What I have been reminded of, is that my timing is not God's timing. As my good friend, has so candidly reminded me, "Its not about me.... Its about God!" What I need is the Love of My Savior. What I should be focusing on is His Love and His plan for my Life. If I am trusting him with the details of my life .... truly trusting Him, then I have to let go of my timing and my plans. If He is the pilot then He gets to make those decisions. I don't think that makes it easy and certainly its unenjoyable at times; but it is necessary!

Why is it necessary? Because when we try to do things our way; with our rules and our lists and our requirements, we lose out on what God can accomplish. We put parameters on what He can do and say "God, if what you want is someone who is this, likes this, looks like this and thinks this, then OK. But if.... (you fill in the blank) then I'm not interested!" Sound familar?

Don't misunderstand me. It is necessary to have standards. We deserve to be choosy in who our partner is. Dating everyone who comes into our paths who is attrative or likes the same things we like is not wise. It is more then that.... It is deeper then that!

Think back to the time in your life when you felt the closest and the most at peace with Him. Now think about why you felt that way..... Chances are its because you let go. You switched seats with Him and let Him have control of the plane. Then why do we struggle with the doing the same for our love life? Why can't we give up the controls?

He has great plans for us. If we want to be truly obedient to Him and desire to Love him above everything and everyone else in this world, then let go. What do we have to lose? Obviously, doing things our way, isn't working!

Who knows you the best in this world..... God! He knows you better then you know you and certainly better then any other person on this world. Why not let Him be in control?

Who loves you the most in this world....God! More then your mom and dad, more then your best friend and more then your husband/wife ever will. Why not let Him be in control?

If what I said is causing your heartbeat to elevate and your hands to get a bit clammy and your throat to get a little dry..... GOOD! I have your attention. Get ready for this next thing OK....
You were designed to be GREAT! You were not designed to settle or to be ordinary. You, my brother and sister in Christ, were created to knock their socks off! Don't settle for mediocre! Don't settle for ordinary! Dare to be GREAT in the name and for the glory of Christ! Take some risks and let go! If the idea of being single and alone terrifies you.... then dare to take the risk and let go! Let God work and be amazed!

I think a good friend of mine said it best: I NEED God. I WANT a family and a husband but I NEED God.

He is the only source of true happiness and ultimate joy.

L-O-V-E

L-O-V-E
The cause of so many tears...
The cause of so much happiness and joy....
The reason for so many questions.
The result of so many goals and prayers.

L-O-V-E
makes people do some pretty crazy things
the subject of so many movies
the reason for many song lyrics
the main idea of thousands of books and poems

L-O-V-E
the object of so many obsessions
the subject of many dreams
the reason for so many celebrations and parties.....

Why is L-O-V-E so important to so many people?

For girls, LOVE is imporant because we want a place and a person to love us. We like feeling like we are needed. A place where we are accepted....good and bad. We feel safe in the arms of someone who says they love us. We like to feel special and different....

For guys, LOVE is important because they want to be respected and valued as a leader. There is pride in knowing that someone loves them despite their flaws. They like to fufill the role of leader and are looking to be respected....

What is L-O-V-E ?
Love is committment between two people to choose to love each other....thru good and bad.
Love is seeing the dreams of someone else come true... to make their dreams your dreams.
Love is a friendship that goes beyond casual conversations over coffee....and to the heart and root of who we are as people.
Love is a genuine interest in understanding what the other person needs and WANTING to do that for them
Love is acceptance of a person for nothing more then who they are.
Love is helping someone become a better and stronger person then they were before you.
Love is a sacrifice of personal time and personal pleasures to help and be there for someone you care about.
Love is hugging someone and not letting go quickly.
Love is sharing an inside joke and a smile that lights up a room
Love is having the best conversation unexpectedly.
Love is having someone to share this expected journey of life with...

Why do we want LOVE?
Love is at the core of being like Jesus.
To Love people the way he demonstrated .... and to make that a PRIORITY in life requires so much effort and sacrifice.
It means getting hurt and used...
It means disappointment and tears...

We want LOVE because it is in LOVE that we find peace.
We want LOVE because we see and believe in its goodness!
We want to belong to something that is so much bigger and stronger then we can be on our own.

As a child of God.... you have and belong to that kind of LOVE.
Its at your fingertips and is yours to experience.
Jesus loves like that....
to everyone
all the time

I want WISDOM and BOLDNESS to share.....

So I went to Philly this weekend with my family.

My cousin Katie is 8 months pregnant and her sisters Jen and Laura were throwing her a baby shower. I love these girls. Many people don't understand the connection I have with them..... they simply look at them as cousins but I look at them as sisters and friends. We have been there for each other since we were toddlers. Our moms are really close and so naturally we spent a lot of time together thru the years. Two of them are married and two of them are getting ready to have their first child. It has been fun walking thru these stages with them and watching them change and begin new lives with their husbands.....



Well, I had an amazing conversation with Jim while I was in Philly. A conversation that challenged me to share my faith with a boldness and a compassion that I hadn't been asked to do before. Recently, I have been praying for God to give me situations and opportunities to share my faith and Jesus with others, especially my family. I have asked for wisdom and boldness and courage to speak the truth about Christ and the salvation He offers. As I sat with Jim on the couch, he began to ask me about why I don't drink. I shared with him my responses and before I realized it, three hours had passed!


I asked Jim if he had a relationship with Jesus.... He looked at me and pointed to a gold cross he wears around his neck. I asked him what that meant to him.... he didn't understand. I asked Jim to share with me what that cross meant to him and encouraged him to share with me why he wore it and who Jesus was to him. He paused for a few seconds then shared with me that his religion and his faith was very private. It defined who he was but he didn't feel comfortable sharing it with others. The story was his and he wanted to keep it that way. We talked for a few more minutes and then I shared with him my story.....

I shared with him who Jesus was to me and why it was I fell in love in Him. I explained what Church and ministry and a relationship was. I explained the difference between knowing of Jesus and needing Jesus. I wanted so bad for Jimmy to be challenged and encouraged to share his faith. I celebrated his story, even though I don't know what it is, and reminded him that our God is a real and personal God who loves and cares for ALL of his people!

Friends, if we are believers in Jesus and truly love him then why are we silent? Why do we sit back and keep our story to ourselves? If God can change our life, then He can change other's too. It's not a faith meant to keep quiet. It's not a faith that is meant to be displayed with a cross necklace. Its a faith that is meant to be lived in your life..... everyday! Its a faith that is meant to shape you and become a part of your being! Its a love and a relationship that if you allow it, will grip ahold of you and love and care for you like you have never imagined!

Jimmy said that there were two things he never talked about with other people.... religion and politics. My heart broke for him. There are two things that I always want to talk about... Jesus and Salvation! I do not want to walk away from any situation having overlooked an opportunity to tell someone about Jesus. Never.

I prayed for Jimmy that night. I will keep praying for Jimmy. I will pray for opportunities to share my faith with him. I hope that my conversation with him challenged him and I pray that even now, days later, he is thinking about it. I pray that God will place other people in his life, that love and share my joy for the Lord and that they will have the Wisdom and Boldness and Love to share Jesus with him too.

I have been replaying that conversation in my head over and over.
I keep thinking and wondering if I could have done anything different to make Jim see what it is he is missing.
God reminds me that Jim's salvation is not my responsibility.
The choice of salvation is Jim's.
I am responsible for sharing Jesus
I am responsible for telling Jim about Jesus and Jesus' love for him
I can find rest in that
I can find peace in knowing that.....

Be challeneged today to share Jesus with others. As often and as frequently as possible.
Pray for opportunities to tell someone of the Jesus who has your heart.
Tell them of a Jesus who loves them so much, exactly as a they are today. Right now!
Tell them of a Jesus who died on a cross who bled and wept for each of us.
Tell them of a Jesus who rose from the dead three days later and now sits at the right hand of the Father.
Tell them of salvation and grace and forgivenss.....
The decision to accept is theirs.

The Astronaut-Doctor-Business Tycoon Dont Need No One Girl

So I just turned 28 this week. Tuesday January 22 was my birthday.
I don't know what happens but each year when I have a birthday I get to thinking about dreams and goals and just what it is I want to accomplish with my life. This week I took some time to do that and found myself laughing and smiling at myself.... Let me explain.

2008 Goals
1. Be like Jesus - Love with all that I have and all that I am.
To have an "attitude like that of Christ Jesus"- Philippians 2:5 and to
"Be imitators of God" - Ephesians 5:20
2. To share Jesus with others -- to seek and pray for opportunities to help other people come to know and understand the Love of Jesus and the eternal life he offers them
"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" - Romans 10: 14-15

These are the big goals..... then I pray and think about what I want my personal life to look like...what are my dreams about my job, my family, my home etc.

1. To be a mom! - I can not wait to have children and raise a family. I absolutely love children and have come to understand that raising a family in the image and likeness of Christ and his church is something that I long to do and that I am excited to begin!
2. To serve in the American Church - My heart breaks and my soul cries for those people here in our churches that are asleep and dead to the life of Jesus. I know that my ministry will be focused on the American Church.
3. To have a family and a life that sets an example for other believers; one that encourages and challenges them to live a life that honors and pleases the Lord.

I often times will share these goals with the people that are close in my life; especially my mom and my dad. I know that they love me so much and unconditionally.... well mom and I were laughing just days ago as we thought back over my life.

As a young girl, I was going to be an astronaut! I loved the stars and planets. I would go to "space" camp every summer and learn more about the solar systems and the moon and the job of an astronaut! As I got older, my focus shifted to being a doctor. I was on this path for a LONG time! I was going to go to nursing school and then become a nurse practitioner and then continue on to be a pediatric surgeon. I was very driven in my studies and loved science all the way thru school. Anything that involved body parts and a scapal and I was there! Even as I interacted with friends and family in high school I always remained very focused and driven. I didn't date very much and I was adamant that I would remain single and without kids. I had no desire to be the typical "stay at home mom." I wanted the exciting city life with parties and fame and money. As I entered into college, my desire shifted yet again. This time, I took the math and business route. My mom is very successful business woman and I have seen her work really hard in her career and now after many years she sits as a Senior VP of a major company. People respect her. She has authority and power and that appealed to me. She has a beautiful home and a beach condo on the water. She has nice vehicles and is able to fly and take nice trips. I saw her life and it became what I wanted. I studied really hard in school and became an economics major. I was prepared to go to grad school and then on to earn my PhD. I thought that maybe I could run a big company one day or maybe I could teach at a major university someday. I even went as far as to enroll into grad school and again was pouring into my studies and education.....

About five years; that changed. Jesus became so real to me! I began to read scripture and serve in the church with a new energy and an new passion and enthusiasm that I had never felt before. I have loved the Lord for a LONG time, but this feeling was different. I was praying more, I was reading my Bible more and I was hungry to know Jesus.... I was hungry to need Jesus! Slowly and gradually, my shift and my perspective changed.

My entire person became different.

I no longer desired
power
money
nice cars
authority
nice homes....

Instead, I desired
love
patience
joy
kindness
goodness
faithfulness
gentleness
self-control
(Galatians 5:22).

Even as I sit here, I smile to think of the woman God has made me..... I never could have gotten here alone. The little astronaut-doctor-business tycoon wants to serve in a church and be a mom! I can't think of any other life that I want more. I am so at peace with this decision and I cant wait for God to lead me in the right direction. You want to know my secret.....

I let go of what I wanted!
I became so determined to listen and follow the will and desire of God.
I completely surrendered to any idea of life and success that I had and I waited....
I read and prayed and served and slowly and gradually.... over the course of about 3 1/2 years, this is what has emerged.

1. I love Jesus! - He is everything to me - He is ALL that I need.
2. I want others to Love Jesus! - I am determined to share Jesus as often as possible!
3. I love kids and can't WAIT to be a mom and a part of the family that desires to serve and honor God with their entire being!
4. I cant wait to serve with my husband in a church.... I can't WAIT for him to lead us into closer and deeper relationship with the Lord.

I can't help but smile! Thank you God for working in my life! Thank you for being patient with me as I struggled to find my way. Thank you for celebrating with me now as I fully know and understand who you have created me to be. I am ready and I know Lord that you are all that I need! Keep me focused and aware of your hand and guidance in my life. Thank you for loving me! I promise today Lord to go where you would have me go and be who you would have me be. I love you and I need you in my life! - Amen

I've learned my lesson!

So my grandma goes to FL every winter.... her and pop-pop tow the camper and set up camp in the warm and sunny skies of Arcadia FL. They LOVE going down and getting away from the cold weather up north. I was talking to her the other day and she told me about a recent bike fall that she had in the campground. Pop-Pop bought a three -wheeled bike so that she could get out and drive around the campground. Its good exercise and an easy and stress-free way for her to visit with other campers. I love picturing her on that bike with her floppy sun hat and sunglasses crusing around the campground! It makes me smile :)

Anyways....she told me that they got a new bike. This bike is different then the other one and slightly bigger and of course handles differently. Pop-Pop had been telling her NOT to drive the bike unless he was around because he wanted her to be safe and careful and wait until she got really comfortable driving it. Grandma, being stubborn, didn't listen and decided to go for a little "ride" one day while Pop-pop was away. Well you guessed it; she fell. She is ok minus a few bumps and bruises and some hurt pride and a little embarassment. She was so frustrated with herself and kept telling me over and over how she should have listened to pop-pop!

As I was talking to her, I couldn't help but think of all the times my parents tried to warn me of something to keep me from hurting myself or being disappointed. I was so convinced I knew what I was doing and that their warnings were trival or annoying.... I was "hard-headed" and wanted to do things my way. The result was me ending up learning my lesson the hard way. Instead of just listening and trusting them, I did things my own way. The result wasn't pretty! I often-times ended up hurt and bruised or disappointed and confused.

Sometimes, we can't see a situation clearly. We are SO focused on the problem or the person or the situation that we have blinders on to the "real" and "clear" picture. We become "blind" to the solution and deaf to the warnings. We become stubborn and hard-headed and try to accomplish the task on our own. While these lessons help us grow and while some bump and bruises are good for everyone, I cant help but think about how God must feel when I ignore his warnings. How many times has he gently guided me away from the "hot stove" or encouraged me to not "follow the crowd" and how many times have I ignored Him and tried to do it my way! Oh the headaches I have caused myself!

I am tired of trying to rely on my own strength and my own wisdom to get thru this world. I am committed to developing a spirit that is committed to listening and waiting for God's warnings and God's wisdom. If I am patient and resolve to truly wait for Him, He will teach me and guide me away from the "hot stove" and the stubborn hard-headed self and help me grow into a humble and obedient servant.

When others try to warn me, God is there. When I am making a bad decision, the Holy Spirit is trying to help me correct my mistake before its too late. I have plenty of bumps and bruises and scraps and cuts that I could have avoided by just listening and being obedient and patient!

I am Listening

There is noise all around us in this world.
People talking
Doors opening and closing
Babies Crying and Children Lauging
Zippers on jackets and purses
Radio
Typing
Water running
There is noise all around us in this world.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone but were only half listening?

As a child, my mom would always correct me with my "selective listening" like when she told me Mindy could come spend the night IF I cleaned my room.... I would hear Mindy can spend the night and ignore the clean your room part. I only picked up the part that I wanted to hear and ignored the rest!

Even now as an adult, I still have selective listening. My friend may call me to tell me about a prayer need or something special that has happened in their day, and while carrying a conversation with them, I'm checking e-mails and filing papers. I hang up the phone missing out on an opportunity to really connect with them and listen.....

Or how about a mom trying to juggle the responsibilities of her family. She runs around grocery shopping, school shopping, volunteering at the kids' schools, taking kids to soccer practice and dance lessons. There is ALOT of noise in a mom's day...... I have seen and talked with plenty who have trouble giving their full undivided attention to their child when their child asks a question while they check their e-mails or prepare to go into a meeting.

Good Listening takes time and practice.
It's not a natural thing for most people.

What about listening to God? How do we do with taking time to listen to Him and his guidance and direction for our life?

Our time with God is often squeezed in between checking e-mails and our drive into work. Its something that we do while we do other things....
How effective is our time with God when we can't really focus on what He is saying to us?
How many times does God give us direction/answer we have asked for and we are too busy or too preoccupied with other things that we miss what He is saying?
Or how many times do we only hear what we want to hear -- that selective listening as mom says.

Good listening takes time. Good listening takes practice and discipline.
He is talking to us.
He has not left us.
He is there.
Are we willing to do what it takes to listen?

Father God, I admit that sometimes I allow the business of my day and the noise that surrounds me to get in the way of listening to You. Help me to create an environment where I take time and truly listen to what you would have to say to me today. I love you and thank you for loving me. - Amen

Faith in what?

I am not much for watching TV. I don't really have a desire to sit on my couch staring at a picture box. I can't sit still that long for one and I get bored easily. My mind wanders and my thoughts drift.... I am constantly getting down and up and up and down.

But.... I did watch TV last night. I happened to see the show Grey's Anatomy. Ever watch it?
I have caught a few episodes before but its been a while since I have followed the sory line.
The show was about a healer.... yup, thats right a healer! This lady was going around the hospital and placing her hands on all the sick patients and "healing" them.

The main characters of the show were facing difficult situations in their personal lives.... a divorce, a young child who was facing life-threatening injuries from a bookshelf falling on him.... I cant remember the others. But throughout the 60 minute show the characters kept talking about faith....."keep the faith," "all you need is a little faith"

Faith in what?
Faith in Medicine? Faith in a healer? Faith in some magical answer to your marriage?

Now I know its just a TV show and I know that it is there for entertainment purposes....but this is SO true of so many people's REAL life!

It breaks my heart that people turn to God to fix their problems: save their marriage, stop their drug addiction, give them money....

Please don't misunderstand me or read into this the wrong way! God can and does do those things.... ALL the time. But being a child of God is so much sweeter and so much more beautiful then that.

I have FAITH in a God who loved me so much He sent His only Son to die on the cross for my sins.... I have FAITH in a God who can "move mountains" (I'm reading thru the gospels and LOVE this part of scripture!)....... I have FAITH in a God who chooses to NOT answer some of my prayers because only HE knows what is truly best for me...... I have FAITH in a God who loves me and accepts me as I am right NOW, TODAY...... I have FAITH in a God who is not finished with me and loves me ENOUGH to continue to work in my life.

So, YES there is something to have Faith in.
There is a power out there that is greater and more beautiful then anything we can imagine.
Yes there is something that we can cling too when all else fades and disappers
but, its not medicine and some magic potion or a healer.....

Its falling in Love with Jesus. Its being in an intimate and real relationship with Him. Its one that frees you of your guilt and shame and sin..... Its one that you can rely on even when your baby dies, your surgery is complex, and your marriage ends.

I pray today that if you don't know or have that kind of FAITH, that God would stir something inside of you.... that your heart and soul would burn for something more! I pray for your salvation and for understanding just how much God LOVES you! Have faith in that my friends!

Complicated....

i am a busy person....
i am a person that surrounds herself with others.
for many reason actually
i genuinely enjoy their company, i like laughing with them, i like helping them and caring for them, i get my energy from them, and i don't like being alone.
its boring and dull.....

i keep a busy schedule.
up at 7
work at 8:30
dinner at 6ish
evening activity at church til 9'ish
bible study
hanging with friends
i like it..... i enjoy it.

well God gave me a rude awakening.
he took it from me.
my schedule. my activities. my peeps.
gone.
vanished.
suddenly i had time..... LOTS of time.

it makes me squirm.
it makes me uncomfortable.
i don't like having time.
it makes me think about the hard stuff.....
with no distractions there is no choice but to deal with it.

well i just went thru one of those times....
those down times when i had time to think.
those times when things seem unsettled and a little slow

i realized something.
- scratch that -
God taught me/reminded me of something....

life the way HE intended is not complicated!

stop leaning on myself
stop leaning on friends
stop leaning on family
stop filling it with church
stop filling it with houses and cars and jobs
stop leaning on my dog (pathetic huh?)

lean on HIM.
i am the happiest when i focus on Him.
i am at ease with me when i am with Him.
fill it with prayer and study.

slowly the happiness comes back....
the sense of humor returns.
i find rest in that.

i dont have the answers..... but i'm not going to focus on that.

i am choosing to focus on LOVING HIM
and becoming like him (Ephesians 5:17)

i am choosing to focus on sharing the love of Jesus with others and on
telling others about Him as often and as frequently as possible.

thats what i want from my life.
that isnt complicated.
its simple and complete.

i can rest and find peace in that.

thank you for so much.... but most of all thank you for loving me and being patient with me.

Our Weakness.....

So the past several months have been pretty difficult for me. I won't bore you with the details or have a pity party for myself... Its not really my style. But I did come across this poem a few days ago. The author is unknown (I wish that I could take the credit....) Its seemed a little cheezy at first but then I read it again. I began to see the truth that was spoken in this poem and so I thought I would share it with you.

It’s sometimes very difficult
for us to understand
the wisdom and the love behind
the things that God has planned.

But we wouldn’t have the rainbow
If we didn’t have the rain;

We wouldn’t know the pleasure
If we never tasted pain.

We wouldn’t love the sunrise
If we hadn’t felt the night;

And we wouldn’t know our weakness
If we hadn’t sensed God’s might.

We couldn’t have the springtime
or the yellow daffodil
if we hadn’t experienced
the winter’s frosty chill.

And though the brilliant sunshine
is something God has made.
He knew too much could parch our souls
so He created shade.

So God’s given us a balance:
Enough joys to keep us glad,
Enough tears to keep us humble,
Enough good to balance bad.

And if you’ll trust in Him you’ll see
Though yesterday brought sorrow,
The clouds will part and dawn will bring
A happier tomorrow.

I cling to the promises that God has written me and turn to His Word for comfort and understanding. I would like to understand everything and have a good reason why bad things happen.... but that is not what He asks. He asks for our love and our faithfulness even when things don't make sense. Its hard sometimes. It doesn't make sense; but when we are faithful during those times, we are truly witnessing to others....

Love and Trust Him. It will be OK.

The really beautiful thing about trials is that when you are thru them your relationship with Jesus is closer and stronger than before. Now that is something to celebrate!

Dear Lord, You are good and everything You bring into our life is for our good and Your glory. Help us to see beyond the rubble and to You for the lessons necessary to grow our faith. I love you! Amen.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"

- James 1:2-4