Good-bye 2007

So as 2007 comes to a close, I am totally a LAME-O and have been thinking of the great memories and the awesome times that I shared with my family and friends.....

The BIG things!

1. A night of worship in the room above the Narthex at Fort Hill United Methodist Church! -WOW! Really no words can describe what happened there that night. A time to be with God and just to reflect on His Love for us! Awesome!!!!

2. I was baptized!!! After a lot of searching and praying and talking with those that I love, I decided to be baptized. I was baptized as a child in the Catholic Church but this time it was a decision that I made to show my love for God and my obedience to the life that He is asking me to lead. It was AWESOME! On the way out there with my closest and dearest FAMILY (Caleb, Richelle and Alicia) we saw rainbows.... one after another. Just beautiful and awesome rainbows. We sat on the shore of Smith Mountain Lake and sang and prayed and just reflected on what it was all about.... The backdrop was breath-taking. A very special memory for me!

3. My little brother was married!! Oh my goodness did I just say that! I can't believe it! He found the girl of his dreams and I couldn't ask for a better sister! Irene Lepski married Bryan Huber on July 7, 2007! The wedding was awesome! We had so much fun. Irene was beautiful and my brother reminded me just what true love was all about! I love picturing them together and remembering how he cried when he saw her. Nothing but the best for the two of them!

4. My dad turned 50 this year! Can you believe it?!?! 50!! Daddy, you are getting old.... We celebrated with a backyard cookout. He was surrounded by the people who love him the most! Dad, you are an amazing example of what it means to love your family. Thank you for loving me! I hope that you have 50 more wonderful years!!!

5. My mom turned 50 this year! Guess what? Today is her Birthday!!!!! Mom, I love you! We celebrated with a VEGAS party....party like a rockstar! It was tons of fun and just an amazing and awesome memory with all of our family. Mom, you have worked so hard in your life and have gone from almost nothing to having more then you could imagine! You have taught me that I can accomplish anything that I put my mind to!

6. My cousins Katie and Jen got pregnant! Now, most people probably wouldn't put this on their list of memories from 2007 but I absolutely love this girls and consider them like my sisters! They have both wanted this for so long and will be wonderful mothers! I can't wait to be Aunt Kelly! Contrats girls!!!! (I guess I can congratulate the dads too.... YAY for Jimmy and JR!)

7. I said goodbye to a church and a church family that I love. After being at Fort Hill for a little over 2 years, I felt that God was asking me to take a step of faith.... After many tears and lots and lots of hugs I left Fort Hill and began to look for a new church to call my home. I have fallen in love with Jesus and I have grown into a deeper and more mature relationship because of my time at Fort Hill. While I will not be calling that home anymore, those people will always be my family! I love you all..... Thank you will never be enough. :)

8. Have you ever had a friend that you considered your family... sisters maybe!?!? Well, thats what Alicia, I mean Vern, is to me! I said good-bye to my sister and one of the most awesome friends in my life! No she didn't die, but she did decide to move across country to WY! I have so many memories with her and I love her so much and already miss her dearly (We just said good-bye 2 days ago!) I am so glad that God has placed you in my life and just want to say thank you for loving me! You are an amazing friend!! I will be praying for you in WY and will have your room ready when you come home. (just kidding)

Silly/Fun Memories from 2007..... (There are MANY. These are just some of my favorites!)

FLAMING Cupcake on my birthday..... thanks Nick!
Coming home to my house completely streamered ......... thanks Rosita!
Road trip to see Vern after her car accident .... that is a trip that Caleb and I will NEVER forget!
The Musical at Fort Hill.... Vern, I love you! Late nights and early mornings of set up, painting, just one for the memory books.
Plastic Deer and Scary Faces.... This one is for you Vern!
Late night trips to the Tea Room with my girlz! Love you Brittany, Sarah and Alicia.
Of course spades. Alicia and I TOTALLY beat Caleb and Nick! - MORE THEN ONCE!
Worship on my front porch with friends; old and new!
VBS with CD and KT! -- What an AWESOME week!! VBS at Fort Hill is always so much fun! Thanks for the memories girls!!
Beach trip with Vern.... one AWESOME thunderstorm on the final night! - It was perfect! :)
4th of July with the Lepski's, my family and Rosita! -- A private viewing from the circle room over the water.... the fireworks were awesome!
Dancing....Dancing....and MORE Dancing at the wedding and at the Red Baron. That night was SO much fun!!! I'm not sure that I have smiled that much in a LONG time!
Beating Mom, Dad, Barbara and Luke at our card night! -- That will teach you to let me come and play cards!!
Driving to Tampa! -- Now I am not sure that this one is funny or silly but it is a memory to remember!
Road trip to N. VA to see Our Hearts Hero -- oh my goodness....that was crazy!
One Word - IHOP
The Rascal Flatts Leaf song -- that one is funny!

Things I learned/relearned in 2007!

LAUGH! LAUGH! LAUGH! - As much as possible!
Its OK to Cry
I can only be me and that will be good enough
Nothing short of falling in love with Jesus is going to change their life
Sometimes, God has a different plan!
I will be OK .... -- goes for so many things!
There is absolutely nothing that I would want/need more in life then Jesus
I want to be a mom
I love youth ministry
I am BAPTIST (YIKES!)
Sing as often and as loud as possible
My family loves me and only wants the best
Letting go is sometimes best.....
Don't lose sight of those who truly love you and know you. They are a rare treasure!
People come and go, relationships change but God is ALWAYS there!
I am a follower :) -- Thats a good thing!
I want to write a book
Sometimes when we don't get what we want/pray for, we end up realizing that what we got instead was SO much better!

My 2 requests for 2008 -

I pray that I would be less and less me and more and more like Jesus! That my relationship with Him would continue to grow and deepen and that I would know more and understand more and learn to be the person that He has created me to be. That I would just fall in love with him again and again and again! I pray that He would use me to impact the world with His Love. That I would have courage and boldness to speak the truth. That I would open my eyes to the people and the opportunities that He has placed before me and use each day as another day to share His love with others.

I pray that those people in my life who do not know Jesus or whose relationship with Jesus is new that they would fall in love with him! I pray that lives would be saved and changed and that new life would begin for EVERY single one of them! I pray that they would make that decision in their life and that God would use me in their journey!

Now you may be thinking.... you only prayed for two things. What about all the other things that are important/needed in life? Well friends, everything else is just details. This is what matters! This is what life is ALL about! Have this relationship, be completely in Love with Jesus and everything else is the icing on an already perfect cake! Its simple.....its beautifl.....its EVERYTHING!

Christmas in the Air

I absolutely love the holidays....
The entire city gets all dressed up!
Wreaths on the doors of downtown businesses
Flags wishing the community a Happy Holiday sit on each light pole
Entire city streets shut down for the annual Christmas parade
Strands of lights draped on the porches and bushes of the small town main street homes
Ovens warm from the recent batches of sugar cookies
A light dusting of snow covers the ground



I love the holidays.....
Families come together and visit!
Backyard football teams are playing for the title of "Holiday 2007 Champs"
A night in with PJ's and a good Christmas movie with the family
Annual road trip to look at the Christmas lights in the city after Christmas Eve Service

I love the holidays....
Road trips to visit family
Christmas cards in the mailbox
Decorating the Christmas Tree with all the childhood ornaments
Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve for the last minute perfect gift
Family Game on Christmas Day

I love the holidays....
It celebrates the birth of a baby.
Our savior was born in a manger
The city was crowded....people were everywhere.
There was no room for Mary and Joseph to stay.
God had a plan for the birth of His son.
One that included barn animals, a tiny manger, straw and a star.
I picture that scene and I try to imagine the smells and sounds that surrounded them.
I try to imagine what it must have felt like and the feelings they must have had.....

Christmas is a celebration with lights and presents and tradition and love.
Christmas is a day to remember and reflect on the birth of Jesus.
The birth of a tiny baby that would save me.... from my sin and forgive me for all the times that I fell short. A celebration of forgiveness and grace that are mine because of my faith and love for that tiny baby.

Thank you God for the birth of your Son. Thank you for His life and the example that He set. Thank you for his death on the cross. I want to know what it sounded like and picture the scene of that manager on Christmas. As I enjoy the Christmas traditions of my family and the holiday parties that surround me, I don't want to lose sight of the reason. I don't want to forget the love. Thank you for loving me. Help me grow to be more like Jesus. - Amen

So Its been a while....

Hey there everyone.
I haven't written in a while.
Life has been pretty crazy and lots has happened and lots has taken place since my last post.
I won't bore you with the details but will say that I'm glad to be back writing again!

Ok, so I just got back from a High School Retreat. I had an amazing time and made some fantastic new connections with teens all across Virginia. It was a ton of fun! But while I was there, the speaker let us watch this quick video clip where an announcer went around the busy cities across America and asked random people "What do you think of when you think of Jesus?" and "What do you think of when you think of Christians?" The answers were very telling and challenged me to think of relationships in a new and different light....

Almost always, the answers about Jesus were positive or neutral. Even those people who were not believers, still were neutral in their feelings of Jesus. The answers about Christians, however, were very critical and very negative, especially from non-believers. Words like fanatic, extremeist, judgmental, fake were used..... So that of course made me think.

Jesus Christ came to earth and walked our life for 33 years. At the end of that 33 years, He was cruicified and killed, FOR us. He willingly and lovingly endured the pain and agony of death on a cross because He knew that was the will of His Father. He understood that ALL of us were sinful people and that without enduring His own death for each one us, we would be unable to have a relationship with His Father. Now because of His sacrifice we can live in a relationship with Him and are blessed with the promise of eternal life!

What is the purpose of witnessing? What is the purpose of fellowshiping with non-believers or with people whose faith in Jesus is new or weak? What is the motivation for "living a life worthy of the calling?" The answer is two-fold. 1) As believers, we know the joy and peace that comes from having a relationship with the Lord. 2) We want others, to come into a relationship with God and fall in love with Jesus like we have. Period. End of story.

The reason so many people don't like Christians, is because so many of us are motivated and focused on the WRONG thing. The problem with a non-believer is not their sin.... ALL of us have sin. Its not that they curse, or not that they drink, or not that they have abusing drugs or in bad relationships. Fixing those problems is not the answer! Having those people LOVE JESUS is the ANSWER! Nothing short of a personal relationship with Jesus is going to change their life.

Sin does not have the same meaning to a non-believer as it does to us. They are not motivated or challenged to live their life any differently if all we do as Christians is point out their sin. Instead, lets help them see the importance of loving Jesus. Lets lead them into a relationship with the Lord. When that happens, the ENTIRE LIFE CHANGES! The consequences of sin begin to take shape, AND BECAUSE THEY LOVE JESUS, THE SINFUL LIFE BEGINS TO LOSE ITS GRIP ON THEM! They want to be close to Jesus, and they know that with all of the sin in their life, that is not possible. The consequences begin to have meaning for them.....

I have been really challenged recently with my relationships with non-believers. I have to stop and ask myself, what is the motivation behind taking a stand on an issue and remember that if all I am doing is pointing out their sin, chances are, they are not walking away challenged or different. Instead, I need to remember my goal. My goal is for them to fall in love with Jesus and come to Him intimately. That should be the motivation behind my actions and words.

The answer.... Be Like Him

So the other day I wrote a blog title "what is it going to take"

I have a real passion for the American Church
I go to church on Sundays and teach Sunday School and help lead worship and work with Youth and I see empty faith. I see empty religion.... It breaks my heart. It makes my soul cry. I have spent many hours thinking and praying and talking to friends about what to do to change the spiritual walks of our churches... It is something that I am passionate about. I am currently reading thru the gospel of John. As I was sitting in my house last night reading and pouring over the pages of Jesus' ministry; a thought hit me.

I love people .... In all of the personality tests, I am always classified as a classic textbook extrovert. I get my energy from spending time around others. I am the type of person who likes to be in a house full of people. Even if we aren't socializing or talking, I find an energy and a happiness about my chores and tasks. Things seem so much easier when others are around. Because I love people so much and I absolutely treasure the time that I get to spend with them, I sometimes allow my love for them to get in the way of the "hard talks." I shy away from confrontation. I want to smooth things over and allow things to just roll off my back. I typically don't make a big deal out of things that really bother me and upset me. When I do chose to confront someone about an issue, my throad gets dry, my hands get clammy and my stomach does butterflies. I am an independent person and I take criticizm well but I do not like to argue. I do not like to call people out.... It is something that I have been working on for the last year or so. Thanks to some amazing and awesome friends in my life, I see the importance of doing that.

I realize now from talking and praying and reading thru Jesus' ministry that people need someone to tell-them-like-it-is. The reason that so many people are not growing and not getting real with God, is because no one confronts them about that. No one looks at them and says, "How is your relationship with God?" So many people, myself included, treasure the relationship with the person and look to love them more then look to challenge them.

Look at Jesus' ministry. He was able to tell-them-like-it-is... but with Love and with Grace. He was able to have the difficult discussions and didn't back down from the confrontation, but he approached it with love. I know that there is a balance. I know that there is a way to do both. I know that I air on loving more then on challenging. I know that I need to step up to the plate. I need to be more like Jesus. It is ok to challenge someone and take them out of their comfort zone.

I think about the relationships that I have with my family and my friends. The ones that are the closest to me are the ones that challenge me. They are the ones where I know I am going to get the truth always...even at the expense of some hurt feelings. I admire the truth and honesty of those people.

I look at Jesus' ministry and I see times where he got upset and toppled tables in the temple, I read about a miracle He did for a father whose son was dying, I picture the scene of him telling the paralyzed man at the fountain to get up and walk. I imagine myself there with the disciples as Jesus talks and preaches. His message was always the same. His purpose was clear. His missiong concrete. Everything that he did, came back to one thing always! He challenged the disciples to grow and understand. He called out the Pharisees when they tried to trick him. He constantly went to his knees in prayer to the Father for guidance and thanksgiving.

He had the balance... He loved people SO much that He couldn't let them continue to be ignorant or apathetic. He loved the Father more then ANYTHING and so speaking the truth and making sure people understood the message was more important then anything. He approached those difficult situations with love for the Father and then love for the person. He wanted them to grow and be challenged. He wanted their walk to be strengthened and their lives to be changed!

The answer.... to be more like Jesus.
To be brutally honest but with love for the Father and love for the person.

What would our world look like if we had more people striving to be like Jesus?
How much stronger would the body of Christ be?
How much more effective would our wittnessing and preaching become?
How many more souls would we be able to save?

Love is important! Love is essential!
I don't plan to change that about myself.
I want to love the way Jesus loved....

But Honesty is SO important!
Brutal Honesty that tells people the truth!
I need to challenge. I need to speak up and confront the situation.

We need to challenge them to go deeper then the surface.
They are capable of so much more!
No more sleeping.... no more surface answers that "sound" good.
Lets get to the depths of understanding.
Lets tell it like it is.... with honesty and with love.

Lets be more like Him.

The result....
People are physically and emotionally healed ... not just part of them but ALL of them.
Their hearts and their souls are different .... because of Him.
Lives are challenged.
Souls are saved.
God is glorified!

Lets be more like Him.
That is what it is going to take ....

Personal Possessions

My cousin and her husband were affected by a house fire a couple of years ago. They lived in an apartment complex and a young child had left a candle burning and it caught the couch on fire. Almost immediately, the building was in flames. They ended up having to move into an extended stay hotel until the apartment complex was able to find other housing for them. They were very fortunate and were allowed back into their home to get some personal belongings. I remember going thru the apartment with her. Dark soot lined the window sills, all of the fabric on couches and clothes were ruined. She was the most concerned about her pictures. Our family is incredibly close and we are constantly getting together for celebrations and holidays. Each time we meet there are many MANY many cameras amongst us. The flash keeps flashing and the film keeps developing! Her photo albums were so important to her and had so much meaning to her.

Take a look at the right side of my blog. All along the side of my posts are pictures of the people that are very special and dear to me. They are my family and my friends who I love a lot! Take a look at your photos..... they are personal. They represent and capture some of the most amazing memories of your life.

When you travel to new places and take pictures sometimes you take pictures of buildings and skylines and pretty scenery. You capture the landscape or a beautiful flower. These pictures are indeed beautiful and can be enjoyed... but what made Katie so upset was not losing pictures of buildings and landscapes but losing pictures of family and friends! A picture of a building is just that.... a picture of a building. But a picture of a building with your family in front of it, all of a sudden it has meaning and value to you. You have personalized it and made it your own.

The same can be true of our relationship with Christ and of our committment to our faith and discipline as a child of God. You can know all the facts about God.... you can read the Bible and decide that it is a good literary work. You can go to church and leave thinking that your pastor is a good public speaker. When we do those things.... we are missing out. Instead when we get into a personal relationship with Christ and we go to church to worship and study God's Word, when we begin to pray and read the Bible and apply it to our life, it becomes personal. It becomes real. Like those pictures with our family and friends, our relationship with Christ begins to have meaning. The services we attend, the worship we have, the time in the Word all begins to have value for us.

All of a sudden its not just words on a page or a good speech ... Its a love letter written specifically for you. Its a sermon designed to challenge and change you. All of a sudden its not just the "man upsatairs" but your personal Lord and Savior whome you talk to and pray to daily. All of a sudden its not just another homeless guy.... its Jesus! Believe this; when your faith and your committment to Christ becomes real and personal it will change your life! If you allow it, that relationship and love will transform you! It will become the most important relationship and your most valued posession.

What is it going to take?

"Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart"

- Casting Crowns - "Stain Glass Masquerade"

My heart is aching.
Tears fall from my soul.

What is it going to take
To move past the surface life

What has to happen
to get real with one another

What has to happen
to get real with God
No more "going thru the motions"
No more half-hearted religion that we adopt for a couple of hours on Sunday Morning.
I am interested in life changing religion.
I am interested in relationships with the Lord that change the core of a person.
I am interested in talking to real people with real struggles and real pain and real questions; REAL people

How many people sit in pews on Sunday morning
Numb to the Grace of Jesus Christ

How many children run the halls of Sunday School
Unaware of the Love of God

How many teens searching for acceptance overlook
the one person who loves and accepts them just the way they are

My heart is aching....

I long to see people in the American church connect with the life and love of Jesus Christ. I want to be a part of the solution. I want God to use me to impact their lives with Him.

I go to retreats and I participate in worship services where tradition trumps truth and passion. The leaders and the people go thru the motions unaffected, unchanged, unchallenged. It doesn't touch the core of who they are. They aren't willing to go there.... often times because we don't ask. Often times because we don't show them. Lets get to a place where we recognize our need for Jesus.

We are dead with out him. Lifeless. Puppets on a string going thru the motions. Pretending to worship, pretending to study, pretending to know Jesus, all the while asleep to true salvation and true happiness and joy that come from knowing him intimately and completely. Unknown to the peace... unknown to the victory over sin! Unknown to the glorious riches that can be found in Christ.

My heart is aching ... my soul is crying.

What has happened to good Bible-based preaching. What has happened to Christians desiring to fall in love with God and to pour over the love letter that God has written for each believer.

What has happened with bowing down on our knees and calling out to Christ. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

My heart is breaking... My soul is crying.

What is it going to take for people to be real in their relationship with Christ

Its time to admit our flaws. Its time to drop the masks. Its time to become transparent. Let others see our hearts bleeding. Let others see our tears. Christ is longing for His people to come home. Christ is longing for them to understand their purpose.

God use me! God let me be your hands and feet. Allow people to see my tears for their souls. God I want to help fight apathy. I want to help fight ignorance. I want to stand for the truth and for the righteousness that you offer.

I want to help people find their joy in you! I want to help lead people to the decision of Jesus Christ! God I want to impact the world. I am not interested in being medicore. I am not interested in shuffling my feet. Open my eyes so I can see, Open my ears so I can hear, Give me the capacity to love and connect with hurting people. God equip me to reach your people who are asleep in the church pews across America. Connect me with people who share my passion and together God lets make a difference. God I want to accomplish so much that others looking in have no choice but to give you the glory and the credit.

My heart is breaking. I want to make a difference. I want to change the world and I want to proclaim the Love of Jesus Christ to others!

What is it going to take....?

God I am willing...show me and teach me. Mold me and use me. I am yours.

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

I love the fall season, especially in southwest Virginia.
The leaves are beautiful
The air is crisp
Football games crowd Friday night schedules
Hot Apple Cider and Hot Chocolate are the drinks of choice
I love the fall!

But what makes Virginia so special is the mountains and the back roads. If you have ever spent any time in VA you know what I mean. There is nothing better then having a straight strectch of road where you can accelerate and then you have the climb up the mountain. It is the best if you are on a road with sharp hairpin turns and narrow shoulders and roadways. As you ascent the beautiful and awesome Blue Ridge Mountains you pass by some of the most picturesque overlooks. Views that will take your breath away! All of the reds, burnt organges and golds just flood the skyline. The entire time up the mountain your foot is pressing hard on the accelerator. You have the "pedal to the metal." There is excitement in seeing how fast you can take a turn and your destination is the peak... the peak of the mountain. The highest point on the mountain.

We all know whats on the other side. Its the descent. Its the downward trek. Same curves in the road and same narrow shoulders. This time, you take your foot off the accelerator. This time you coast. No need to gas the car. There is no work to be done. Now you just sit back and relax. At the top of the mountain, your car gains momentum and might even pick up speed. As you continue down the mountain and reach the other side the car slows down. The speed eventually gets slower and slower and as the road flattens the car conitnues to slow. At that point, we have two options. We can choose to put our foot back onto the gas pedal and begin to accelerate. The other option is to continue to coast until the car stops in the middle of the road. Its out of gas. There is no momentum left.

This is true of our relationship with God as well.
There are spiritual highs and times of fantastic growth and awesome times of fulfillment and spiritual renewal. Things are just going right. We are surrounded by people who love the Lord, we are being challenged to grow, the people we minister to are making decisions to give their life to the Lord, the church is growing, the volunteers are plentiful. Life is good! We are working really hard. We have the "pedal to the metal" but the ascent is exciting and opportunities and the views are rewarding! We reach the peak and are on an emotional high. We see God working and we are benefiting from the fruits of our labor.

As we decend down the mountain, we take our foot off the pedal. No gas is needed. We are still coasting on the momentum from before. Growth is still happening, times are still good and then slowly but surely, sometimes without our even knowing it, we lose that momentum and before we know it, we are stopped in the middle of the road staring at nothing but a long straight stretch. We turn around trying to figure out what happened and trying desperately to go just a little further and have just a little more coasting left within us.

I don't know how you feel, but I can tell you that I don't want to stop in the middle of the road. I want to know when I am coasting! I want to be aware of when I am losing momentum so I can make the decision to push foward and accelerate. Accelerating requires effort. Accelerating requires work but rest assured that when you are accelerating in the name of Jesus Christ and pushing towards Him and in pursuit of Him, the work is well worth it! The destination far outweighs the gas you burn to get there!

Please know that I am not saying that you are not going to have rough times in your walk. God does not promise an easy life. There are times of spiritual growth all around you and there are times when you hit a flat spot and things get a little tougher and harder to see. What I am challenging and encouraging all of us to do is to be intentional about understanding where you are.

Are you climing?
Are you at the peak?
Are you descending?

Ask God to open your eyes and make you aware of where you are. Don't wait until you are completely stopped in the middle of the road. If we are intentional and faithful in our relationship with God, He will let us know when we are going to have to push a little harder and make the decision to be more intentional and aware of our walk. We will have to push a little more and we will have to cling to what His Word says but rest assured that it is going to be easier to accelerate from a roll then from a complete stop! Cling to your faith and know that He loves you! Push forward and make the decision to try hard to get past the flat stretch. The next mountain is right around the corner!

Dirty Socks and Heaping Piles

Diry Socks laying on the floor
Empty glasses of coke on the bed stand
Books on the floor beside the bed
Shoes scattered in the closet and stuffed in the corners
Backbacks unzipped with ipods and candy wrappers in the pockets
Papers crumpled up on the floor beside the trash can
Drawers partially open with clothes hanging out
Towels draped over the closet door

The room is messy and dirty
It will take hours to clean and organize

My mom use to get so frustrated with my brother when we were growing up. She would tell us to go and clean our rooms and 30 minutes later Bryan would have EVERYTHING out of the closet and drawers and laying on his bed. Huge piles of stuff heaping on top of each other. It looked worse then before! What a mess..... This certainly was NOT cleaning!!

Bryan, however, had a plan. Everything on that bed and in his room had a place. He had to pull it all out so he could organize it and put it all back where it belonged. He had to make it worse so that in the end it would be as he imagined.

Think about your life.....
Sometimes it just doesn't make sense.
Sometimes the trials and hard things are REALLY bad.
The tests that God puts us thru are hard and painful
Sometimes we think that He really messes things up and makes them worse then it was before
We look around and all we see is a mess. Just a heap of things, piled on top of each other.
No answers anywhere... just more problems and more questions.

Then slowly and surely, sometimes without us even realizing it, He starts to put it back together. He has a place for EVERYTHING. The mess becomes organized and useable. Only He could see the vision. Only He understood how it would all fit together. In His perfect timing and because of His perfect plan, each pile becomes organized ans useable. Finally, the mess makes sense. Finally it is organized and labeled.

The result is a child of God fully depending on their Maker and Savior. He has to make a mess of our lives sometimes so that we let Him in. He has to pull everything out and heap things in a pile so we turn and listen. When we surrender and lean on Him, He slowly puts it back together like only He can. When we turn to Him and Love Him with ALL of our heart and ALL of our soul, he organizes our life so EVERYTHING has a place and EACH thing can be used to His glory.
It is then that we find order and freedom!

Jesus,Feel Free to Interrupt!

I was upstairs preparing for Youth Group. I had to set up the projector and computer for the message and worship for the evening. Its always the same....

1. Hook up the computer.
2. Hook up the projector.
3. Make sure the words are right.
4. Turn on the projector and adjust the picture.

This day, when I turned on the projector to adjust the picture, I realized that Jesus was in the way. You might be thinking.... Kel what in the world are you talking about? You see the wall we use for the words and power point is empty and bare. There is nothing on it and so the words are easy to read and the picture clear. But, this time, in the middle of the wall was a picture of Jesus. You have all the seen the one I am talking about. Its the profile shot. Long hair, white robe... That picture was right overtop the words and images for worship. I immediately looked to my friend and said "Hey can you put Jesus in the closet?" We chuckled for a second and then realized what an awesome opportunity and amazing illustration we had right there in front of us....

How often do we think of Jesus as an interruption. Now before you shout NEVER and before you close this site and walk away offended.... stop and think. How often does something happen in our lives where we are annoyed or impatient or think, this is in inconvenience. "It would be so much easier if"....(you fill in the rest). I know that I have. I know that I do often! I don't like interruptions in my life. I want to know the who, what, WHEN, where and WHY! I like to have an idea and a plan. I get grumpy when the plan falls thru and something that seems like an interruption gets in the way.

Jesus interrupts our lives for a reason... a purpose. His interruptions are for our benefit even if they do cause pain or a detour in "our plan." Rest assured that if He is interrupting, it is out of LOVE. You see He is more interested in our character then He is in our comfort. Instead of putting Him in the closet, lets worship and live with Him in the middle of our words and images. Lets learn to treasure those interruptions and look for His will and the lesson that He is teaching. It might not be easy.... It might require some effort and some adjustment on our part but its worth every perceived setback and every imagined annoyance.

He loves you... think about that. He loves you! Cling to that love and learn to welcome His interruptions.

Ice Cream!

I was tired...
I had only slept minutes the night before.
Tired and exhausted I went to church.
I thought about sleeping but I missed my church family and so I went.

I walked in the door to the fellowship hall and was greeted by the best hugger ever!
My little friend with her
Glittery jeans,
Soft blond hair and beautiful blue eyes.
to get a hug from her was just awesome.
Her smile lit up the room as she proudly pulled out her bible from her purse.
"i have my Bible with me" she told me proudly.

Just as I was getting up....
Another hug. An amazing hug full of love and life.
This time from a retired sheriff
Every week he looks for me... every week we hug.
His glasses sit crooked on his nose
His plaid shirt proudly displays a small stain from his recent spaghetti dinner
His eyes twinkle as we stop to talk

After my contemporary worship practice,
I was looking forward to a nap.
A nap with warm blankets... a little pillow...quiet and restful.
Instead...

a little boy climbs into my lap and smiles.
A smile that lights up the room.
He is proudly wearing a pin from his dad.
He tells me of a new skateboard he just got and all the tricks he can do.
His face is full of joy
He asks me.... are you coming with us to get ice cream?

Nap... Ice Cream
Nap...Ice Cream
I was full...
I didn't want ice cream,
I desperately wanted a nap

As I climbed into the minivan with the kids I looked around
Books
Hamburger wrappers
Toys
Play makeup
Soccer Ball
The "real" stuff of life and family was all around me.

I want chocolate...
I want chocolate too...
I want Mint Chocolate Chip....
Yum! - Ice Cream !
Oh.... pick a high top table one of them yells.
As we sat around that table we shared stories...
Stories of soccer games
Stories of an upcoming beach trip with family
Stories of dance lessons and
Halloween Costumes

All the cares of this world drifted away.
All the worries and stress of my day....GONE.
Instantly, I was filled with thoughts of joy.
Sticky fingers and
Chocolate Icecream mustaches smiling at me!
Hugs and kisses from a little boy and a little girl.
One of them softly whispers in my ear....
"I love you Zo"

Time to go... I hear my friend say.
We are greeted by a brown spotted dog as we leave.
I bend over to pet the dog and get a big wet lick.
Buckle up!
Lets sing.... Yea, Lets sing.
Turn on the radio
I like this song...
I know the words to this one...

Suddenly... the dial stops.

Country music?!?
One of my favorites...

Windows roll down
Volume goes up

In a matter of seconds, we are singing
Singing without a care in the world.
I close my eyes and stick my hand out the window
I smile as I hear the sweet angelic voices from the back
out of tune...
giggling in between words
singing the wrong words...
but what a BEAUTIFUL song!

i laugh and share a smile with my friend....
I whisper... "Thank you" as I look up and shut my eyes

My cup runneth over....
My heart is full....
I am filled with joy
My soul is at peace.

I mentally make a note of this moment
Its one that I will pull out often
Its one that makes me smile even now....
Its one of the presents God gave me yesterday....
Its a blessing straight from Him!

Perfect love...Fear or Faith

"But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment"

- 1 John 4:16-18

I was studying this verse the other day and the phrase "perfect love" stood out to me.... Perfect Love? Who was He kidding? I can't do that! I'm not perfect! I began to think about all the times that I should have or could have done something different... I began to focus on my failures in my relationships with other people. No one I know is perfect.

But God nudged me to read it again, this time with a different perspective. I quickly realized that I had missed the meaning! This verse was not about me or what I could accomplish. This verse was talking about Christ's love. It is HIS perfect love that eliminates fear!

Even on my best day I fall far short of perfect but I know that perfect love has come....in Jesus! We can eliminate fear. We can defeat fear if we just receive His fift. The only way to experience the perfect love that casts out fear is to rely on what God tells us He's already given. We are "made perfect in love" by resting in Christ.

God knows that we are going to struggle with fear. He knows that we are at war with this world and that this world constantly draws us from Him in fear. There are thousands of reasons we fear... Money? Acceptance? Lonliness? Relationships? Health?

Think about it....

How much stronger/bettwe would we be if we replaced fear with faith! The same situations that inspure fear are very often the same contidions that inspure faith. We have the choice....fear or faith? Our difficulties, concerns and questions don't seperate us from God... fear seperates us from God.

Our fear is really unbelief.

We think...God Can't or God won't so I must.

But faith....faith choses to believe that God can... God loves us, God wants too.

Our response should be to trust Him!

Fear and Faith both exist within us. We can not eliminate fear. As long as we are a part of this world we will have situations we fear. The question is which one (fear or faith) will have control of our lives. Only one can rule our heart. The more we open our heart and the more we turn to Him and rely on Him, the less control fear has. Its power weakens.

Only faith offers us the gift of quietness and rest.

the WOW of Jesus

My little brother, Bryan, played baseball growing up. He practiced for hours hitting, running bases, drills, pithching... He loved the game. His hero was Cal Ripken. Bryan spent hours/days working on his technique. He was a really good pitcher. He didn't have much speed but had excellent placement of the ball and could put it wherever my dad told him too. My dad spent time working with Bryan and teaching him new things and challenging Him to improve. It was something that the two of them shared. Dad was the coach, Bryan was the pitcher. A typical week may look like this: Batting cages on Tuesdays, Team practices on Monday and Wednesday, pitching practice Friday and games on Saturdays.... It was grueling!

It was constant pressure for Bryan. Dad was constantly talking baseball and constantly asking Bryan questions and telling Bryan he needed to improve The intentsity of the HOW made Bryan forget the WOW! of the game. He eventually stopped playing because all the practices and pressures frustrated him. Bryan got so buried in the technique of playing baseball that he lost the joy and pleasure and pure fun of playing.

This makes me think of Christians.... I am not suggesting that we don't study, don't pray, don't serve... I am suggesting that instead we often times lose sight of the WOW! of Christ. Our focus on the HOW may even be well-intended but still we sometimes lose sight of the WOW! The How mutes the WOW!

• WOW! God Loves me...
• WOW! God sent His Son Jesus to die for me....
• WOW! The spirit of God is present within me...
• WOW! The same God who placed the moon and the starts and the sun into the stky he also created me! I am God's workmanship! (Ephesians 2:10) WOW! - His Masterpiece

So what do we do......

• We must stay deliberate on focusing on the WOW! Don't ever forget His love for you and the sacrifice that Jesus paid for you... Celebrate that gift and never take it for granted!
• Remember that God is interested in YOU. You will find the greatest joy in being in a relationship with Him. The relationships we have with Him and others are far more important then success, fame or wealth. God is truly interested in the life of each person he placed on the planet.
• Staying focused on the WOW! does not sggest that the How is unimportant or that the WOW! can compromise Biblical Truth. Find time to study and grow personally in your relationship with the Lord.
• The WOW! guides the How....When we focus on loving God it will lead to us loving others Matthew 22:37-40

Doing Small Things of Great Importance

I am here Lord to serve you.
I plan..
I study....
I pray....
I sing songs of praise....
I sit in the quiet of a sunrise....
I fellowship with other Christians...
I worship....
I serve....
I love....
I am here Lord to serve you.

I am recognizing each day that it is less and less about me
and more and more about you!

I understand that I have a purpose.... a unique purpose for being me!
I cry...
I laugh...
I worry....
I encourage....
I smile....
I frown....
I have a purpose.

I am preparing for that purpose.

I am not interested in being the same person today that I was yesterday.

I desire growth....
I desire transformation...
I desire friendship....
I desire intimacy...
I desire reverence....
I desire love.....
I desire truth...
I desire knowledge...
I desire a personal relationship with you, God.

I come God to surrender....
I come Lord to hand this life over and walk away.
I am not interested in what I can accomplish.
I am not interested in my strength
I am not interested in my intelligence
I am not interested in my love
I am not interested in my will
I come God to surrender to YOU.

I am interested in YOUR strength
I am interested in YOUR intelligence
I am interested in YOUR love
I am interested in YOUR will
I am interested God in YOUR purpose for me....

God I am yours....
Your creation,
Your child,
Your servant,
Your slave,
Your disciple
Your Masterpiece
God I am yours.

God, teach me to prepare for this journey.
God, help me turn my desires and my time into preparation for my purpose.

I want to be a HERO in the name of Jesus Christ!

God I desire the obedience of Noah!
God I desire that faithfulness of Mary!
God I desire the passion and love of Paul!

I am not interested in only being medicore.
I am not interested in the status quo of my spiritual being.

God, I know that before I can go and do the magnitude of greatness like Noah, Mary, Abraham, Paul and David that I have to train and prepare. I know God that the experiences and life situations of today are helping me get ready for tomorrow. God, I want to be aware of each small task that you put before me today. I want to approach each one in anticipation of becoming a stronger Christian and more devout disciple. I understand God that each one is really important, regardless of how small it may appear. Each time I step out and handle those small tasks with the attitude of great importance you are glorified!

God, you know my potential.... You know what You have created me to be. I don't even fully understand that, but I find comfort and strength in knowing that You do! I want to discover your purpose for my life and I want to live that out to its fullest extent. I desire nothing less!

I love you and pray for an intimate and real and honest relationship with you. I pray for the passion to know you. I pray that my life is an example to others! Thank you for the small tasks in this life. Help me approach them with an attitude of great importance so that you may be glorified and I may come to know and understand the potential you have created in me!

Quiet of the Morning.....

I had to get up and go to Fredericksburg VA on Tuesday this week. I had to get up at 5am and by 5:45 I was on the road! Now for those of you who know me, I am not a morning person ..... I enjoy staying up late and getting up late. I function best at night when the rest of world is resting and dreaming. I was dreading the drive North. I was convinced, I was going to run into traffic and that I would be tired and grumpy all day .... My attitude was anything but Christ Like!

As I started off the drive, I decided to switch from the radio to CD's and popped in my Chris Tomlin Arriving CD. I love the songs on this CD and thought it would be great to just sing for a bit. This singing turned into an awesome time of praise and worship and conversation with the Lord!

He met me in that car on that journey even with my foul mood and spoke to me. He helped me re-center on what was important about this life and reminded me that He was in control. I have been thinking and praying alot lately about the future.... the next step. I have spent the last 2 years growing so much spiritually and in my walk with the Lord and the journey has been fantastic! He has shown me so much and allowed me to experience and learn so many amazing truths about Him! I am by no means done growing and never will be .... I realize now more then ever that I need him more then I ever have! I know now that my passion in this life is Loving Him. A Love that I long to consume me and take over every area of my life and my heart and soul. My relationship with the Lord is the most important thing about who I am and every day I turn to Him and seek Him. It is a Love that I want to share with every person I come in contact with. Its a joy that I want to spread to others! Its a relationship that I want to speak of to everyone that I meet so that they too might know, really know the Lord and come to love Him the way He purposed and designed.

I have been spending a lot of time over the last 8-10 months praying about the "job" that God is asking me to have. What area of ministry is He asking me to serve? How is that suppose to happen? When is that going to happen? I have to admit that recently I have been struggling a bit with patience and God's timing. There are days where I feel like I am spinning my wheels and just churning up the same mud I was churing up last month .... but God is at work in my life. I know that His gentle hand is guiding me thru the obstacles and days and that in His perfect timing He will make it clear to me.

But Tues.... Tuesday was a BIG step. I love working with Youth Groups. I have a passion for the teens of this world ... They are amazing young adults and I love spending time with them and helping them see the life and love that Christ is offering them. They are such amazing creatures and totally unpredictable! People always laugh at me when I tell them that I love youth. They think I am crazy for spending time with them and always tell me that "it takes someone special to minister to those people." I just smile and laugh. God has blessed me to see teens and love teens the way He sees teens and loves teens. It is such a blessing to watch them grow and to see the changes that happen in their lives! It is so rewarding to watch them take what you have taught them and help others see the love of Christ. I know that youth ministry will be a part of me for years and years to come! It is something that I love and God has given me the passion and the desire to work with youth in whatever church I am serving in ...... I have known that for a while, BUT there is more.

I read a book once that suggested that people need to begin with the end in mind. This statement has always made me think .... but now more then before. At the end of my life, what do I want to be known for? What do I want people to remember about me? What do I want to leave behind? The most important thing for me is my Love for My Jesus! I want that to be the first thing that people know about me! Beyond that, I want people to look at me and say that I was great wife and the best mother. This is what God has spoken in my heart....

While I love youth and while I will always be involved in youth and want to change lives of teens with the love and salvation of Jesus Christ, I want to be remembered as a mom and as a wife. I have been thinking about a verse in Proverbs:

"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, he praises her…"

Proverbs 31: 27-28 (NIV)

I want my legacy to be as a disciple of Christ and then as a mother and a wife. I want to be remembered for the faithfulness and love that I shower upon my husband and my family. I want to be remembered for the attention and the love that I give to my kids and to my husband! I want to blow off a meeting or grocery shopping to go fishing with my little boy or to attend an afternoon tea party with my little princess. I want to sit across the table from my husband and talk about his day in the church and to exchange a smile that says.... this is what life is all about!

Please don't misunderstand... I will definitely be serving in ministry. I want to support my husband and help him in the ministry that he has with a church, but my perspective has changed. I thought for a long time that I was suppose to desire to lead my own ministry or that simply desiring to be mom or a wife the easy way. I was struggling with how I could make a difference for Christ by staying at home..... but God has shown me that my family and my role as the caretaker is my "job."

I want my priorities to be first to Christ and then to my family. I want my actions to support my love for them and support for them. When I arrive in heaven someday and I am introduced to eternity, I want to be announced as carpooling mom and loving wife. :) I see now that I can set an example to others about Christ centered homes and Christian parenting! God has allowed me to experience the joys and pains of families to help me and prepare me for this next step!

So, Tues. morning car rides to the North are long and tiresome but this one was well worth the drive! My quiet time that morning, helped me center on God's gentle whisper. I had no distractions, no cell phones, no e-mail, no people.... just me and God! I have been praising Him for coming and meeting me that morning in the car. I am smiling now as I look back on that time and remember the goosebumps on my arms and the gentle tears of joy that fell down my face. My God is AWESOME!

Dear Lord, you amaze me! I am so excited Lord about this life and about the next step in this journey. Thank you God for taking an ordinary road trip to make me realize how much I need you and how much I love You! I am excited God about being the keeper of my home. Lord, I want to do this job in a way that honors You and showers love on those closest to me. Sometimes, God I question Your ways and Your timing. Remind me God to have patience and in Your perfect timing, you will guide me and lead me into the next step. God Teach me! God Grow me! I am so excited God to make a difference in this world for You! God, I pray that the accomplishments of my life are glorifying to You and that my household and my family shouts your praises and lives a life that exemplifies You! I love you and I desire you and welcome you into my life and into my soul. Remove anything that is of this earth and of this life and replace it with You! -- Amen.

It Hurts...

I'm not sure that I have it all figured out....
I know that there is a lot that I don't understand and that I don't know.

I know that my purpose and my mission is to pursue Him...
I know that only in that pursuit and only allowing that pursuit to consume me, do I have a chance at living to my potential.

That means letting go....
Of Me.
ALL of Me....
Coming to a place where He exists instead of me.

That means being willing to get rid of everything....
Things I love....
People I love....
Dreams I have....

I want to be at a place in my life where I don't just know Him.
I want to need Him... really need Him.

It hurts to let go... It doesn't make sense sometimes. I don't understand how something that feels so good and so right could not be of Him and to His Glory.
But, I'm not suppose to understand. I'm not suppose to think it makes sense. I am suppose to obey. I am suppose to surrender. I am suppose to lay it down and walk away.

I try...
every day I try.
Every day I lay it down and every day I pick it back up again!

He is teaching me... He is helping me grow. It's hard. At times it's not fun. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to have to give it up. I want to have both...but I can't. It's not His will. It's not what He is asking me to do. I know what has to happen. I know the step that I have to take.

That step means....
Pain, Tears, Sadness, Questions,
Letting go of something so dear and so real to me!

But I know that His Love, His Mercy, His arms, His strength, His Grace, His purpose, His Mission, His Plan is better and greater then mine. I choose Him. I want to be broken and stripped and I want to hurt and face this trial. I know that it is a test to my faith. I know that this test will develop perseverance. I desire completeness and maturity in my relationship with Him.

"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature, complete, not lacking anything"

- James 1:2-4

I know that I must obey. I know that I must trust and follow Him. I know that the result is a greatness that is going to surpass everything.... I know that the intimacy of a relationship Christ is going to far outweigh the pain and the tears that I have now.

I am willing!

I can't give it up on my own... but with His help I can.

I want to be in his presence. I want to pursue after Him and His will. Catching a glimpse of His greatness is far better then me living for me!

"... I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of
knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I
consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..."
Phillipians 3:8-9a (NIV)

My Magnificent Obsession.....

i want to know you
i want to see your face
i want to know you more......

i don't want anything else
i cant imagine my life w/out you.....
you take my breath away

cleanse my heart and my soul
help me dispose of anything that is not of you.

come and meet with me....
guide me,
direct me,
love me,
reveal yourself to me.

my heart longs for you,
i search after you,
i run thru the crowds looking for you....

i sit at your feet and listen....
i gaze up at you in complete and total awe
i run towards you and you receive me with open arms

i dont want to live without you.
reveal yourself to me in the young child that laughs
reveal yourself to me in the smile from a friend
spend time with me in the quiet of the morning

i want to love you so much it hurts .....
i want to know you intimately, like a child knows its father

mold me
use me
shape me
teach me

you are my obsession
my magnificent obsession

i cant live this life without you
i dont want to live this life without you

i come running to you
tears streaming down my face
ashamed at my sin
ashamed at my behavior
convinced that i am not worthy of your love
convinced that i am not worthy of your forgiveness
i'm sorry doesnt seem enough....
you receive me with open arms
you accept me just as i am

your wounded hand reaches for mine
your gentle voice wispers "i love you"
i crumble in your arms and know that i am home

your love amazes me
thank you for loving me......

i love you
i need you
i want to know you
come and meet with me
im here to meet with you....

Beauty of your Blooms

I love to drive down a residential street and see yards beautifully landscaped. The flowers and plants are so bright and colorful and make the house presentation appealing. My dad loves to work in the yard. He spends hours out there each weekend mowing and weeding and trimming and planting. They have beautiful rose bushes along the side of the house and the prettiest potted flowers on the back deck and on the front porch. I am forever commenting on how pretty the yard looks and the beautiful/colorful blooms of their potted plants.

I have to admit that my yard is not beautifully landscaped and the plants and flowers are missing from my porches and yard. I cant and dont have time for the upkeep and the maintenance required for that landscape. I enjoy looking at the pretty flowers but I dont enjoy having to maintain them. The one thing my mom and dad always tell me when I comment on their flowers is that you have to pick off the dead petals. Mom will spend 20 minutes working on the potted flower on the back porch (that one is my favorite) carefully and throughly picking off any piece of the plant that is wilting or any piece that is dead. She explains that in order for the flower to stay healthy and continue to grow she has to pick off the dead pieces. Mom complains that this task is never ending. Just when she thinks she has gotten every last piece, more appear.

You see, if mom doesn't take the time to remove those dead petals they kill any good left in the plant. They suck all the nutrition and health right out of the pot and soil they are planted in. The faded petals are, in a sense, dead weight that keeps the plant from being its best.

If the flowers are plucked and the dead blooms removed, however, beautiful blooms emerge. The flower grows to fill the pot and many admirers notice the color and aroma of the beautiful plant. It thrives and grows. :)

I cant help but relate this to our life with Christ. We know full well that there are places in our heart, thoughts in our mind, and actions of our will that are nothing but dead weight to our spiritual life. Those areas of our life that we allow to cloud my view of Christ and that get in the way of the personal relationship He desires. The faded blooms of our sin are sapping our spiritual energy and strength.

"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent
and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."

James 1:21 (NIV)

The verse above from James reminds me that we are to get rid of such sins and such barriers and in their place plant God's word. When we plant God's word in our hearts and our souls and drink of His noursihment, beautiful blooms begin to grow and appear. Stand back and watch. Be amazed! God will chose to grow and display the beautiful blooms and flower He disires. The result: A life that shines forth the beauty of the Lord and is an example and encouragement for others.

Become the flower that points others to the Savior!

Happiness .....

Happiness is....

Watching your little brother marry the girl of his dreams!

Happiness is .....
Taking a walk with a friend on the beach at 2 am and having the best conversation you've had in a LONG time!

Happiness is .....
Riding on a bus and singing songs and playing "Hey Cow, Hey Horse and Hey Person!"

Happiness is .....
Watching a double header baseball game on an amazing summer evening

Happiness is .....
Going to lunch with teenagers and laughing til your sides hurt!

Happiness is .....
A Great Conversation with a friend over hot dogs, balloons and the Little Leage World series!

Happiness is .....
Sitting on the floor of your house and talking to your parents about the salvation and grace of Jesus Christ!

Happiness is....
Planning a 50th birthday party for your dad!

Happiness is...
Dancing around the beach condo pretending to be Martina McBride with a kitchen spoon!

Happiness is ....
cuddling on the couch with the most adorable dog ever! I love PUMBA.

Happiness is ....
Getting a hug and kiss from a child for no reason at all.

Happiness is .....
Watching God paint a sunset that takes your breath away.

Happiness is ....
Driving with the windows down singing your favorite songs on the radio!

Happiness is ....
Getting an unexpected phone call and talking for hours!



Happiness is Recognizing the blessings that God has given me and living each moment to the fullest!

This life is amazing....
I am so HAPPY!

Pure Heart, Steadfast Spirit

The other day I was reading and studying and came across this verse. I have read it lots of times but that day it hit me... That day it made a lasting impact and stayed with me long after I closed my Bible, said my prayer and returned to the business of life. Below is my prayer....

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10 NIV)

Oh God, create in me a pure heart ...

• A heart that hates sin as much as you do
• A heart filled with love -- one that never insists on its own way
• A heart that thinks of others before itself
• A heart that knows no greed or jealousy
• A heart that fights for love
• A heart that is not concerned about receiving credit for what it has done
• A heart that is not concerned with appearing important to others
• A heart completely and totally consumed in loving you
• A heart that chases after you
• A heart that trusts you are at work in this world
• A heart that seeks things above and not the things of this earth!
• A heart committed to leading others into a relationship with You
• A heart that identifies and recognizes the small blessings of life
• A heart that find happiness and joy in every day

Heavenly Father, renew a steadfast spirit within me ...

• A spirit committed completely to you
• A spirit that is focused and single minded on your purposes and your will
• A spirit who puts all trust and all focus on you and you alone
• A spirit committed to ministry and complete obedience to your will
• A spirit that is focused on teaching and encouraging God's people
• A spirit that is committed to leading others to make the personal decision of salvation!

I follow hard after you My God. I long to have one pure and holy passion for this world. I want to know you more every day and to live in your grace and your love! I desire complete and total obedience to the Christian you have created me to be and I hand this life to you. I commit myself to you once and for all, so there shall be no taking back. I know God that this is the gift that you desire .... I commit myself into your hands. Your fingers God can hold me there. You are strong and yet those gentle fingers will never let me go. I come to rest at last in those wounded palms sweetly broken and resting on your love and grace.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10 NIV)

True Love

Almost all girls have dreamed of that special someone who is going to come and sweep them off their feet. That guy who is going to take their breath away and love them unconditionally and despite their flaws and insecurities. Almost all girls have dreamed of that perfect relationship in which you can be completely at ease with one another and totally yourself. Someone who understands you and someone you trust and share your dreams, your hurts, your joys and your life with. I know that I have ....

I am 27 years old and unmarried. I have no significant relationship to speak of and all the time my family and my friends ask "Aren't you tired of being alone?" "Dont you want to find your husband and get married?" "I could never be as happy as you if I were 27 and not married" "No offense, but I don't want to be single when I am your age!" I can relate to these expressions .... At some time in my life, I have felt all of these things. But..... here is the peace that I have.

I am in love with my God. I am in love with my Savior. He is my special someone! He has come and swept me off my feet. He has taken my breath away (lots of time) and He loves me unconditionally despite my flaws and insecurities. I can be completely myself around Him and He knows me and is fond of me just the way I am. I cant do anything to make Him love me anymore and I cant do anything to make Him love me anyless. He knows all of my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my insecurities. He laughs with me and cries with me and dreams with me. He takes every step with me. That is the true love of my life! He has helped me learn to love myself ....

So, when people say to me, "Aren't you tired of being alone" or "I could never be happy if I were 27 and single" I smile and tell them of my love. I tell them of the Jesus who has my heart! I have learned to be happy and content with Him! Its a love I can't and don't want to live without!

I have no doubt that God has chosen that special someone for my life. I have faith that when He is ready, I will know who that person is. But I want to focus on the love of my Savior. I want to learn what He is teaching me. I want to understand what I need to learn and how I need to grow to be ready for that "special earthly someone." My focus is on Christ. My love is Christ. His love is more real and more powerful than anything I can ever imagine! His love is more pure and his friendship the one I cherish the most. So I wait, I trust, I cry, I laugh, and I LOVE MY GOD!

God Loves you my friend! His love is all you need. Learn to be content with that love and learn to wish for nothing beyond the life He has given you. Look for the lessons he is teaching and focus on Him. He is faithful and He is working ..... in you and your future husband/wife! He has your best interest at heart. He is working in the life of your loved one. He is preparing you and them for the next step. Be patient and wait until God is ready. Focus on Him. Trust in that love. He is ALL you need.... His love is the best love. Savor that. Cling to that.

Forgiveness.....

I am not really sure how to title this entry or even how to start this post. I had a conversation a couple of months ago with some amazing friends (LOVE YOU GUYS!) about salvation and whether someone is "truly" saved or if it is just a show or just a spur of the moment emotion.....
It all started with a conversation I had with my mom about a co-worker. Mom and I were talking about this co-worker who claimed to be Christian but was repeatedly breaking one of the ten commandments. When confronted with their sin, this person said that they didn't need to worry about it because God would forgive them.

Now I don't know which commandment and honestly I don't really care.... sin is sin. What I am interested in focusing on is the idea of repentance and forgiveness.

I have been thinking about this alot lately.

The idea of constantly screwing up and falling short of the holiness God desires and having to time and time again go and seek forgiveness from our Father. How do you know if you are truly forgiven? What is the measure of authenticity?

After much prayer and much thought and conversation, the first important thing to know is that forgiveness is between you and God. Only the two of you know the state of your heart and mind. Second, you must ASK for forgiveness which implies that you have sinned and that you RECOGNIZE that sin as a barrier in your relationship with God. You must admit and understand that what you did was wrong. Finally, after admitting your sin and asking for forgiveness you can receive the forgivenss that God offers.

The offer is always there... ALWAYS! God is constantly ready to hand you forgivenss and wipe your slate clean. He wants you to ACCEPT his forgiveness. But, before you can, you must recognize that you have sinned. Not only must you recognize the sin, but you must realize that it is wrong and ASK for forgiveness.

This brings me full circle to my original quesion of salvation.... If someone is saved and if someone has accepted Christ into their life the focus should not be on the shortcut to heaven.....In other words, the ultimate joy and happiness in life comes from knowing and having a personal relationship with God. When you desire that, you don't look for shortcuts and ways to justify your sinful behavior as mom's co-worker did. Instead, you constantly turn to the Lord and admit your flaws and ask for forgivenss. You seek opportunities to be obedient and look for ways to serve and bring glory and honor to Christ Jesus!

Let me just say that behaving sinfully may result in short-term fun but real joy and real happiness comes from trying to lead a pure and righteous life. That "fun" from sin is temporary and empty. The joy from living with the Lord is real and full! Look to walk with the Lord and be obedient to the life He calls us to lead. Admit your sin and ask for forgivenss. Accept His forgiveness and give thanks to Him for His Grace and unfailing love!

Dont take that for granted!

Father God, Thank you for your Son. Thank you for His sacrifice on that cross. Lord, I admit to you that I am a sinful person. Place conviction on my heart that I might know when I have sinned and turned from You. God, help me to fight the weakness of my flesh. God I praise you for your forgivness and thank You for that gift that You extend to me. God, my desire is to be in constant relationship with You. Lord, I want my thoughts and my obsession to be You! Lord, help me to stay focused on the real and complete joy that comes from knowing and serving You! God I love you with my heart and soul! Thank you for loving me. --Amen

Getting Paid What you Deserve

So, I am reading this book right now title "What's so Amazing about Grace?" by Philip Yancey. I just started it and already LOVE the lessons and the points that he makes. I encourage ALL of you to pick up a copy and read it some day.... Its a great book.

So, I was reading the other day about getting "paid" what you deserve... Sounds good right? If we work 8 hours, we want to be paid 8 hours. We DESERVE it. If we put in 10 hours and someone else only puts in 4 we DESERVE more money and more recognition. Certainly, thats what we like to think.....

Now, lets stop to consider for a second the "dues" that we have paid in life.... How does our time compare to God's time? How does our sacrifice compare to God's sacrfice? Worded differently, what do we REALLY DESERVE!?!? Kind of puts a different perspective on it huh?

If we were "paid" on merit what a dismal, horrible, sad life we would live! What would happen if God said, "I only want people to get what they desrve - nothing more, nothing less?" Got the butterflies in your stomach? Feel good about your "paycheck." Won the lottery? NOT ME! I would be poor and homeless....

Guess what, God doesn't demand perfection for a relationship with Him. He doesn't require us to be "perfect" before he Loves us. I am so thankful that God doesn't say that to me... He doesn't say that to ANY of us if we seek Him and recognize Him as Savior.

Instead, He gives everything we DON'T deserve..... forgiveness, love, mercy, grace, second chances, third chances...........two thousand chances. The gospels tell us that He died for US and because of the "price" He paid, our dues are free!

Think about that.... all your sins wiped clean! All the burdens you carry lifted. All the trash cleaned up! How AMAZING! He cares about you enough to pay the price for you.... A price so extravagent it would bankrupt you or me..... Now that is GRACE!

I got what I didn't deserve. I deserved a Pinto and He gave me a Porsche!

Father God, I love you so much! Thank you God for sending your Son Jesus to dies for Me! Thank You God for loving me and accepting me, imperfect and all. God thank you for NOT giving me what I deserve but instead, accepting me exactly as I am.... God help me grow and draw close to You! Lord, I live my life for you... I love you and my prayer is that this life that you have blessed me with, brings joy and honor and glory to You! -- Amen

The Simple things

So the topic for today: The simple things. I just love my life! I am learning each and every day that life has little to do with the big events and the life changing opportunities. Life is lived in the everyday moments.... Its the simple things. Think about it.....

Rainstorms over the ocean, gentle breezes, children laughing, late night talks with your best friend, laughing until you cry, smiling til your face hurts, late night drives with the windows down, catching up with an old friend, singing in the car, picnics in the park, reading a good book, card games, long walks, quiet time, family time..... Thats where life is lived! These are the moments that we often take for granted. God is teaching me to just slow down and enjoy the little things....

When I reflect on those little things.... I recognize that each one is an gift from God placed in my life to bring joy and happiness. Its these moments that I find myself daydreaming about throughout my day. Its these moments and these memories that I remember and cling to.
Its in these moments that I grow close to those I love so dearly. Those little things and those silly memories help shape and define the relationships with my family and friends that are so important to me! When I think about the relationships in my life its the day to day committment and the day to day blessings that ultimately make the difference! Its spending time just enjoying the small things....

My life is AMAZING! I praise God for just His awesome blessings.... Life is GREAT and life is lived in those simple moments.

Father God, Thank you for my many blessings! Thank you Lord for just the amazing happiness that comes from enjoying the little things in life! God thank you for those gifts! Help me to recognize them each day.... I pray that I never take them for granted and always find time to really enjoy those moments and memories. Lord I love you and I pray that in all things my life brings glory and honor to You. Amen

My Joy

So, I think the thing that is most on my mind right now is just the awesome faithfulness of God ..... Have you ever been in a situation where you were for sure it would not turn out the way you wanted. You know what I am talking about.... when every door shuts and there doesn't seem any way out?

Well, let me just say that God is good, scratch that ....God is AMAZING! I was faced with such a difficult week and such a difficult situation and convinced that it wasn't going to end the way that I desired. It seemed like all the avenues were dead ends..... I just turned to God and prayed. I cried and I prayed and I just lifed it up to Him and completely surrendered the situation to Him. I asked others to pray and ultimately that God's will be done.

The end result was exactly what I had prayed for! EXACTLY! God was so faithful and so incredible. He just tore down walls and barriers and opened so many doors. I am just amazed at how he worked in this situation! It is just another amazing example of his faithfulness and his love!

The other amazing thing about this week is just sense of peace and unshakable joy that was in my heart. I kept reflecting back to Paul and his letter to the Phillipians. On the surface I was exhausted and sad and unhappy with the situation but directly below all those crashing waves and all those external circumstances there was such a peace and such and unwavering joy! That joy and that peace was definitely God and His presence and His strength in my life.
That joy and that peace and that strength that were His is what got me thru. It was what I focused on. Its what I am SO SO greatful for. It what all of us should focus on in good times and bad. God is so amazing. He was there to help me ths week. He is there always. I just want to focus on that and give him all the praise for not only the outcome of the situation but just my own committment to serving Him and Loving Him withall my heart and soul! There is absolutely nothing I can do or want to do without Him!

I could talk for so much more but for now.... I say goodbye. I encourage you to just praise God for the ways that he is working in your life and I urge you to recognize that joy and peace that is in your heart for personally knowing and serving Him!
In Him.