I am here Lord to serve you.
I plan..
I study....
I pray....
I sing songs of praise....
I sit in the quiet of a sunrise....
I fellowship with other Christians...
I worship....
I serve....
I love....
I am here Lord to serve you.
I am recognizing each day that it is less and less about me
and more and more about you!
I understand that I have a purpose.... a unique purpose for being me!
I cry...
I laugh...
I worry....
I encourage....
I smile....
I frown....
I have a purpose.
I am preparing for that purpose.
I am not interested in being the same person today that I was yesterday.
I desire growth....
I desire transformation...
I desire friendship....
I desire intimacy...
I desire reverence....
I desire love.....
I desire truth...
I desire knowledge...
I desire a personal relationship with you, God.
I come God to surrender....
I come Lord to hand this life over and walk away.
I am not interested in what I can accomplish.
I am not interested in my strength
I am not interested in my intelligence
I am not interested in my love
I am not interested in my will
I come God to surrender to YOU.
I am interested in YOUR strength
I am interested in YOUR intelligence
I am interested in YOUR love
I am interested in YOUR will
I am interested God in YOUR purpose for me....
God I am yours....
Your creation,
Your child,
Your servant,
Your slave,
Your disciple
Your Masterpiece
God I am yours.
God, teach me to prepare for this journey.
God, help me turn my desires and my time into preparation for my purpose.
I want to be a HERO in the name of Jesus Christ!
God I desire the obedience of Noah!
God I desire that faithfulness of Mary!
God I desire the passion and love of Paul!
I am not interested in only being medicore.
I am not interested in the status quo of my spiritual being.
God, I know that before I can go and do the magnitude of greatness like Noah, Mary, Abraham, Paul and David that I have to train and prepare. I know God that the experiences and life situations of today are helping me get ready for tomorrow. God, I want to be aware of each small task that you put before me today. I want to approach each one in anticipation of becoming a stronger Christian and more devout disciple. I understand God that each one is really important, regardless of how small it may appear. Each time I step out and handle those small tasks with the attitude of great importance you are glorified!
God, you know my potential.... You know what You have created me to be. I don't even fully understand that, but I find comfort and strength in knowing that You do! I want to discover your purpose for my life and I want to live that out to its fullest extent. I desire nothing less!
I love you and pray for an intimate and real and honest relationship with you. I pray for the passion to know you. I pray that my life is an example to others! Thank you for the small tasks in this life. Help me approach them with an attitude of great importance so that you may be glorified and I may come to know and understand the potential you have created in me!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Quiet of the Morning.....
I had to get up and go to Fredericksburg VA on Tuesday this week. I had to get up at 5am and by 5:45 I was on the road! Now for those of you who know me, I am not a morning person ..... I enjoy staying up late and getting up late. I function best at night when the rest of world is resting and dreaming. I was dreading the drive North. I was convinced, I was going to run into traffic and that I would be tired and grumpy all day .... My attitude was anything but Christ Like!
As I started off the drive, I decided to switch from the radio to CD's and popped in my Chris Tomlin Arriving CD. I love the songs on this CD and thought it would be great to just sing for a bit. This singing turned into an awesome time of praise and worship and conversation with the Lord!
He met me in that car on that journey even with my foul mood and spoke to me. He helped me re-center on what was important about this life and reminded me that He was in control. I have been thinking and praying alot lately about the future.... the next step. I have spent the last 2 years growing so much spiritually and in my walk with the Lord and the journey has been fantastic! He has shown me so much and allowed me to experience and learn so many amazing truths about Him! I am by no means done growing and never will be .... I realize now more then ever that I need him more then I ever have! I know now that my passion in this life is Loving Him. A Love that I long to consume me and take over every area of my life and my heart and soul. My relationship with the Lord is the most important thing about who I am and every day I turn to Him and seek Him. It is a Love that I want to share with every person I come in contact with. Its a joy that I want to spread to others! Its a relationship that I want to speak of to everyone that I meet so that they too might know, really know the Lord and come to love Him the way He purposed and designed.
I have been spending a lot of time over the last 8-10 months praying about the "job" that God is asking me to have. What area of ministry is He asking me to serve? How is that suppose to happen? When is that going to happen? I have to admit that recently I have been struggling a bit with patience and God's timing. There are days where I feel like I am spinning my wheels and just churning up the same mud I was churing up last month .... but God is at work in my life. I know that His gentle hand is guiding me thru the obstacles and days and that in His perfect timing He will make it clear to me.
But Tues.... Tuesday was a BIG step. I love working with Youth Groups. I have a passion for the teens of this world ... They are amazing young adults and I love spending time with them and helping them see the life and love that Christ is offering them. They are such amazing creatures and totally unpredictable! People always laugh at me when I tell them that I love youth. They think I am crazy for spending time with them and always tell me that "it takes someone special to minister to those people." I just smile and laugh. God has blessed me to see teens and love teens the way He sees teens and loves teens. It is such a blessing to watch them grow and to see the changes that happen in their lives! It is so rewarding to watch them take what you have taught them and help others see the love of Christ. I know that youth ministry will be a part of me for years and years to come! It is something that I love and God has given me the passion and the desire to work with youth in whatever church I am serving in ...... I have known that for a while, BUT there is more.
I read a book once that suggested that people need to begin with the end in mind. This statement has always made me think .... but now more then before. At the end of my life, what do I want to be known for? What do I want people to remember about me? What do I want to leave behind? The most important thing for me is my Love for My Jesus! I want that to be the first thing that people know about me! Beyond that, I want people to look at me and say that I was great wife and the best mother. This is what God has spoken in my heart....
While I love youth and while I will always be involved in youth and want to change lives of teens with the love and salvation of Jesus Christ, I want to be remembered as a mom and as a wife. I have been thinking about a verse in Proverbs:
"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, he praises her…"
Please don't misunderstand... I will definitely be serving in ministry. I want to support my husband and help him in the ministry that he has with a church, but my perspective has changed. I thought for a long time that I was suppose to desire to lead my own ministry or that simply desiring to be mom or a wife the easy way. I was struggling with how I could make a difference for Christ by staying at home..... but God has shown me that my family and my role as the caretaker is my "job."
Dear Lord, you amaze me! I am so excited Lord about this life and about the next step in this journey. Thank you God for taking an ordinary road trip to make me realize how much I need you and how much I love You! I am excited God about being the keeper of my home. Lord, I want to do this job in a way that honors You and showers love on those closest to me. Sometimes, God I question Your ways and Your timing. Remind me God to have patience and in Your perfect timing, you will guide me and lead me into the next step. God Teach me! God Grow me! I am so excited God to make a difference in this world for You! God, I pray that the accomplishments of my life are glorifying to You and that my household and my family shouts your praises and lives a life that exemplifies You! I love you and I desire you and welcome you into my life and into my soul. Remove anything that is of this earth and of this life and replace it with You! -- Amen.
As I started off the drive, I decided to switch from the radio to CD's and popped in my Chris Tomlin Arriving CD. I love the songs on this CD and thought it would be great to just sing for a bit. This singing turned into an awesome time of praise and worship and conversation with the Lord!
He met me in that car on that journey even with my foul mood and spoke to me. He helped me re-center on what was important about this life and reminded me that He was in control. I have been thinking and praying alot lately about the future.... the next step. I have spent the last 2 years growing so much spiritually and in my walk with the Lord and the journey has been fantastic! He has shown me so much and allowed me to experience and learn so many amazing truths about Him! I am by no means done growing and never will be .... I realize now more then ever that I need him more then I ever have! I know now that my passion in this life is Loving Him. A Love that I long to consume me and take over every area of my life and my heart and soul. My relationship with the Lord is the most important thing about who I am and every day I turn to Him and seek Him. It is a Love that I want to share with every person I come in contact with. Its a joy that I want to spread to others! Its a relationship that I want to speak of to everyone that I meet so that they too might know, really know the Lord and come to love Him the way He purposed and designed.
I have been spending a lot of time over the last 8-10 months praying about the "job" that God is asking me to have. What area of ministry is He asking me to serve? How is that suppose to happen? When is that going to happen? I have to admit that recently I have been struggling a bit with patience and God's timing. There are days where I feel like I am spinning my wheels and just churning up the same mud I was churing up last month .... but God is at work in my life. I know that His gentle hand is guiding me thru the obstacles and days and that in His perfect timing He will make it clear to me.
But Tues.... Tuesday was a BIG step. I love working with Youth Groups. I have a passion for the teens of this world ... They are amazing young adults and I love spending time with them and helping them see the life and love that Christ is offering them. They are such amazing creatures and totally unpredictable! People always laugh at me when I tell them that I love youth. They think I am crazy for spending time with them and always tell me that "it takes someone special to minister to those people." I just smile and laugh. God has blessed me to see teens and love teens the way He sees teens and loves teens. It is such a blessing to watch them grow and to see the changes that happen in their lives! It is so rewarding to watch them take what you have taught them and help others see the love of Christ. I know that youth ministry will be a part of me for years and years to come! It is something that I love and God has given me the passion and the desire to work with youth in whatever church I am serving in ...... I have known that for a while, BUT there is more.
I read a book once that suggested that people need to begin with the end in mind. This statement has always made me think .... but now more then before. At the end of my life, what do I want to be known for? What do I want people to remember about me? What do I want to leave behind? The most important thing for me is my Love for My Jesus! I want that to be the first thing that people know about me! Beyond that, I want people to look at me and say that I was great wife and the best mother. This is what God has spoken in my heart....
While I love youth and while I will always be involved in youth and want to change lives of teens with the love and salvation of Jesus Christ, I want to be remembered as a mom and as a wife. I have been thinking about a verse in Proverbs:
"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, he praises her…"
Proverbs 31: 27-28 (NIV)
I want my legacy to be as a disciple of Christ and then as a mother and a wife. I want to be remembered for the faithfulness and love that I shower upon my husband and my family. I want to be remembered for the attention and the love that I give to my kids and to my husband! I want to blow off a meeting or grocery shopping to go fishing with my little boy or to attend an afternoon tea party with my little princess. I want to sit across the table from my husband and talk about his day in the church and to exchange a smile that says.... this is what life is all about!
Please don't misunderstand... I will definitely be serving in ministry. I want to support my husband and help him in the ministry that he has with a church, but my perspective has changed. I thought for a long time that I was suppose to desire to lead my own ministry or that simply desiring to be mom or a wife the easy way. I was struggling with how I could make a difference for Christ by staying at home..... but God has shown me that my family and my role as the caretaker is my "job."
I want my priorities to be first to Christ and then to my family. I want my actions to support my love for them and support for them. When I arrive in heaven someday and I am introduced to eternity, I want to be announced as carpooling mom and loving wife. :) I see now that I can set an example to others about Christ centered homes and Christian parenting! God has allowed me to experience the joys and pains of families to help me and prepare me for this next step!
So, Tues. morning car rides to the North are long and tiresome but this one was well worth the drive! My quiet time that morning, helped me center on God's gentle whisper. I had no distractions, no cell phones, no e-mail, no people.... just me and God! I have been praising Him for coming and meeting me that morning in the car. I am smiling now as I look back on that time and remember the goosebumps on my arms and the gentle tears of joy that fell down my face. My God is AWESOME!
Dear Lord, you amaze me! I am so excited Lord about this life and about the next step in this journey. Thank you God for taking an ordinary road trip to make me realize how much I need you and how much I love You! I am excited God about being the keeper of my home. Lord, I want to do this job in a way that honors You and showers love on those closest to me. Sometimes, God I question Your ways and Your timing. Remind me God to have patience and in Your perfect timing, you will guide me and lead me into the next step. God Teach me! God Grow me! I am so excited God to make a difference in this world for You! God, I pray that the accomplishments of my life are glorifying to You and that my household and my family shouts your praises and lives a life that exemplifies You! I love you and I desire you and welcome you into my life and into my soul. Remove anything that is of this earth and of this life and replace it with You! -- Amen.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
It Hurts...
I'm not sure that I have it all figured out....
I know that there is a lot that I don't understand and that I don't know.
I know that my purpose and my mission is to pursue Him...
I know that only in that pursuit and only allowing that pursuit to consume me, do I have a chance at living to my potential.
That means letting go....
Of Me.
ALL of Me....
Coming to a place where He exists instead of me.
That means being willing to get rid of everything....
Things I love....
People I love....
Dreams I have....
I want to be at a place in my life where I don't just know Him.
I want to need Him... really need Him.
It hurts to let go... It doesn't make sense sometimes. I don't understand how something that feels so good and so right could not be of Him and to His Glory.
But, I'm not suppose to understand. I'm not suppose to think it makes sense. I am suppose to obey. I am suppose to surrender. I am suppose to lay it down and walk away.
I try...
every day I try.
Every day I lay it down and every day I pick it back up again!
He is teaching me... He is helping me grow. It's hard. At times it's not fun. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to have to give it up. I want to have both...but I can't. It's not His will. It's not what He is asking me to do. I know what has to happen. I know the step that I have to take.
That step means....
Pain, Tears, Sadness, Questions,
Letting go of something so dear and so real to me!
But I know that His Love, His Mercy, His arms, His strength, His Grace, His purpose, His Mission, His Plan is better and greater then mine. I choose Him. I want to be broken and stripped and I want to hurt and face this trial. I know that it is a test to my faith. I know that this test will develop perseverance. I desire completeness and maturity in my relationship with Him.
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature, complete, not lacking anything"
I know that there is a lot that I don't understand and that I don't know.
I know that my purpose and my mission is to pursue Him...
I know that only in that pursuit and only allowing that pursuit to consume me, do I have a chance at living to my potential.
That means letting go....
Of Me.
ALL of Me....
Coming to a place where He exists instead of me.
That means being willing to get rid of everything....
Things I love....
People I love....
Dreams I have....
I want to be at a place in my life where I don't just know Him.
I want to need Him... really need Him.
It hurts to let go... It doesn't make sense sometimes. I don't understand how something that feels so good and so right could not be of Him and to His Glory.
But, I'm not suppose to understand. I'm not suppose to think it makes sense. I am suppose to obey. I am suppose to surrender. I am suppose to lay it down and walk away.
I try...
every day I try.
Every day I lay it down and every day I pick it back up again!
He is teaching me... He is helping me grow. It's hard. At times it's not fun. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to have to give it up. I want to have both...but I can't. It's not His will. It's not what He is asking me to do. I know what has to happen. I know the step that I have to take.
That step means....
Pain, Tears, Sadness, Questions,
Letting go of something so dear and so real to me!
But I know that His Love, His Mercy, His arms, His strength, His Grace, His purpose, His Mission, His Plan is better and greater then mine. I choose Him. I want to be broken and stripped and I want to hurt and face this trial. I know that it is a test to my faith. I know that this test will develop perseverance. I desire completeness and maturity in my relationship with Him.
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature, complete, not lacking anything"
- James 1:2-4
I know that I must obey. I know that I must trust and follow Him. I know that the result is a greatness that is going to surpass everything.... I know that the intimacy of a relationship Christ is going to far outweigh the pain and the tears that I have now.
I am willing!
I can't give it up on my own... but with His help I can.
I want to be in his presence. I want to pursue after Him and His will. Catching a glimpse of His greatness is far better then me living for me!
"... I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of
knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I
consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..."
Phillipians 3:8-9a (NIV)
knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I
consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him..."
Phillipians 3:8-9a (NIV)
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
My Magnificent Obsession.....
i want to know you
i want to see your face
i want to know you more......
i don't want anything else
i cant imagine my life w/out you.....
you take my breath away
cleanse my heart and my soul
help me dispose of anything that is not of you.
come and meet with me....
guide me,
direct me,
love me,
reveal yourself to me.
my heart longs for you,
i search after you,
i run thru the crowds looking for you....
i sit at your feet and listen....
i gaze up at you in complete and total awe
i run towards you and you receive me with open arms
i dont want to live without you.
reveal yourself to me in the young child that laughs
reveal yourself to me in the smile from a friend
spend time with me in the quiet of the morning
i want to love you so much it hurts .....
i want to know you intimately, like a child knows its father
mold me
use me
shape me
teach me
you are my obsession
my magnificent obsession
i cant live this life without you
i dont want to live this life without you
i come running to you
tears streaming down my face
ashamed at my sin
ashamed at my behavior
convinced that i am not worthy of your love
convinced that i am not worthy of your forgiveness
i'm sorry doesnt seem enough....
you receive me with open arms
you accept me just as i am
your wounded hand reaches for mine
your gentle voice wispers "i love you"
i crumble in your arms and know that i am home
your love amazes me
thank you for loving me......
i love you
i need you
i want to know you
come and meet with me
im here to meet with you....
i want to see your face
i want to know you more......
i don't want anything else
i cant imagine my life w/out you.....
you take my breath away
cleanse my heart and my soul
help me dispose of anything that is not of you.
come and meet with me....
guide me,
direct me,
love me,
reveal yourself to me.
my heart longs for you,
i search after you,
i run thru the crowds looking for you....
i sit at your feet and listen....
i gaze up at you in complete and total awe
i run towards you and you receive me with open arms
i dont want to live without you.
reveal yourself to me in the young child that laughs
reveal yourself to me in the smile from a friend
spend time with me in the quiet of the morning
i want to love you so much it hurts .....
i want to know you intimately, like a child knows its father
mold me
use me
shape me
teach me
you are my obsession
my magnificent obsession
i cant live this life without you
i dont want to live this life without you
i come running to you
tears streaming down my face
ashamed at my sin
ashamed at my behavior
convinced that i am not worthy of your love
convinced that i am not worthy of your forgiveness
i'm sorry doesnt seem enough....
you receive me with open arms
you accept me just as i am
your wounded hand reaches for mine
your gentle voice wispers "i love you"
i crumble in your arms and know that i am home
your love amazes me
thank you for loving me......
i love you
i need you
i want to know you
come and meet with me
im here to meet with you....
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Beauty of your Blooms
I love to drive down a residential street and see yards beautifully landscaped. The flowers and plants are so bright and colorful and make the house presentation appealing. My dad loves to work in the yard. He spends hours out there each weekend mowing and weeding and trimming and planting. They have beautiful rose bushes along the side of the house and the prettiest potted flowers on the back deck and on the front porch. I am forever commenting on how pretty the yard looks and the beautiful/colorful blooms of their potted plants.
I have to admit that my yard is not beautifully landscaped and the plants and flowers are missing from my porches and yard. I cant and dont have time for the upkeep and the maintenance required for that landscape. I enjoy looking at the pretty flowers but I dont enjoy having to maintain them. The one thing my mom and dad always tell me when I comment on their flowers is that you have to pick off the dead petals. Mom will spend 20 minutes working on the potted flower on the back porch (that one is my favorite) carefully and throughly picking off any piece of the plant that is wilting or any piece that is dead. She explains that in order for the flower to stay healthy and continue to grow she has to pick off the dead pieces. Mom complains that this task is never ending. Just when she thinks she has gotten every last piece, more appear.
You see, if mom doesn't take the time to remove those dead petals they kill any good left in the plant. They suck all the nutrition and health right out of the pot and soil they are planted in. The faded petals are, in a sense, dead weight that keeps the plant from being its best.
If the flowers are plucked and the dead blooms removed, however, beautiful blooms emerge. The flower grows to fill the pot and many admirers notice the color and aroma of the beautiful plant. It thrives and grows. :)
I cant help but relate this to our life with Christ. We know full well that there are places in our heart, thoughts in our mind, and actions of our will that are nothing but dead weight to our spiritual life. Those areas of our life that we allow to cloud my view of Christ and that get in the way of the personal relationship He desires. The faded blooms of our sin are sapping our spiritual energy and strength.
"Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent
and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."
James 1:21 (NIV)
The verse above from James reminds me that we are to get rid of such sins and such barriers and in their place plant God's word. When we plant God's word in our hearts and our souls and drink of His noursihment, beautiful blooms begin to grow and appear. Stand back and watch. Be amazed! God will chose to grow and display the beautiful blooms and flower He disires. The result: A life that shines forth the beauty of the Lord and is an example and encouragement for others.
Become the flower that points others to the Savior!
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