E-M-P-T-Y

"I must be made empty so that HE can fill me up again"
The words to this song became so real to me tonight...

God, I know that you are working in my life.
That process is so painful sometimes.

My stubborness can get in the way of what You are trying to do. God I also know that there are just some things that I have been unwilling to let go off.

I know that I must be willing to sacrifice even what I think I might want to make room for what You have.

I can not get bogged down in what could be or what mught have been. No matter the pain and No matter how difficult I will do whatever it takes to come face to face with emptiness and face to face with pain so that every last bit of who I am can be let go of.

I understand I have to give it up so that I can be filled up with the blessings you have in store. God, I know I am almost there. I know that I have the given up ALOT of things. Some of them have even been really hard to let go of. I also know that the most difficult part is still to come. It would be so easy to just let it stay there.... It would be so easy to just make a list of all the reasons that it can stay. But if I leave it there, I also know that I am not giving You complete control. I am choosing to not let You have control. I am not leaving you with the most room to fill me up again in order to be the best version of me that is possible.

I have to let it go. I do not know how to do that. I have given it to You over and over and yet continue to pick it up and carry it again. I want to be empty. I am ready to go there with You. I will give up whatever is necessary to make sure that I am growing into the best version of me. The me that you have designed. Help me God become empty so that I can be filled again!

I am ready to make the room!

Fierce Determination....

I have good intentions God.
I want to do the right thing,
live the right way,
say and pray the right things.
I want to be strong enough to not let this bother me...

I also am keenly aware that this is a battle that I cannot win in my own strength. Its a daily fight and daily struggles. All of my fears and insecurities rise inside me and try to rob me of Your presence and Your love.

My determination to rise above it and move past it has never been stronger then in this moment.

I know that it is a daily surrender right now.
Making the choice in every instance and in every moment to put my trust in You.
I really want to live and love like that....
Not being held back by fear or hurt or disappointment

I have all the tools that I need to overcome and move on ....
All is need is in You.
If I know that and believe that then WHY is it so difficult to live like that?

God, YOU are what I want.
Nothing can be a substitute...
Nothing can fill my life, soul and my heart... but YOU

Help me God. I can not do it alone.