As I started off the drive, I decided to switch from the radio to CD's and popped in my Chris Tomlin Arriving CD. I love the songs on this CD and thought it would be great to just sing for a bit. This singing turned into an awesome time of praise and worship and conversation with the Lord!
He met me in that car on that journey even with my foul mood and spoke to me. He helped me re-center on what was important about this life and reminded me that He was in control. I have been thinking and praying alot lately about the future.... the next step. I have spent the last 2 years growing so much spiritually and in my walk with the Lord and the journey has been fantastic! He has shown me so much and allowed me to experience and learn so many amazing truths about Him! I am by no means done growing and never will be .... I realize now more then ever that I need him more then I ever have! I know now that my passion in this life is Loving Him. A Love that I long to consume me and take over every area of my life and my heart and soul. My relationship with the Lord is the most important thing about who I am and every day I turn to Him and seek Him. It is a Love that I want to share with every person I come in contact with. Its a joy that I want to spread to others! Its a relationship that I want to speak of to everyone that I meet so that they too might know, really know the Lord and come to love Him the way He purposed and designed.
I have been spending a lot of time over the last 8-10 months praying about the "job" that God is asking me to have. What area of ministry is He asking me to serve? How is that suppose to happen? When is that going to happen? I have to admit that recently I have been struggling a bit with patience and God's timing. There are days where I feel like I am spinning my wheels and just churning up the same mud I was churing up last month .... but God is at work in my life. I know that His gentle hand is guiding me thru the obstacles and days and that in His perfect timing He will make it clear to me.
But Tues.... Tuesday was a BIG step. I love working with Youth Groups. I have a passion for the teens of this world ... They are amazing young adults and I love spending time with them and helping them see the life and love that Christ is offering them. They are such amazing creatures and totally unpredictable! People always laugh at me when I tell them that I love youth. They think I am crazy for spending time with them and always tell me that "it takes someone special to minister to those people." I just smile and laugh. God has blessed me to see teens and love teens the way He sees teens and loves teens. It is such a blessing to watch them grow and to see the changes that happen in their lives! It is so rewarding to watch them take what you have taught them and help others see the love of Christ. I know that youth ministry will be a part of me for years and years to come! It is something that I love and God has given me the passion and the desire to work with youth in whatever church I am serving in ...... I have known that for a while, BUT there is more.
I read a book once that suggested that people need to begin with the end in mind. This statement has always made me think .... but now more then before. At the end of my life, what do I want to be known for? What do I want people to remember about me? What do I want to leave behind? The most important thing for me is my Love for My Jesus! I want that to be the first thing that people know about me! Beyond that, I want people to look at me and say that I was great wife and the best mother. This is what God has spoken in my heart....
While I love youth and while I will always be involved in youth and want to change lives of teens with the love and salvation of Jesus Christ, I want to be remembered as a mom and as a wife. I have been thinking about a verse in Proverbs:
"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, he praises her…"
Proverbs 31: 27-28 (NIV)
I want my legacy to be as a disciple of Christ and then as a mother and a wife. I want to be remembered for the faithfulness and love that I shower upon my husband and my family. I want to be remembered for the attention and the love that I give to my kids and to my husband! I want to blow off a meeting or grocery shopping to go fishing with my little boy or to attend an afternoon tea party with my little princess. I want to sit across the table from my husband and talk about his day in the church and to exchange a smile that says.... this is what life is all about!
Please don't misunderstand... I will definitely be serving in ministry. I want to support my husband and help him in the ministry that he has with a church, but my perspective has changed. I thought for a long time that I was suppose to desire to lead my own ministry or that simply desiring to be mom or a wife the easy way. I was struggling with how I could make a difference for Christ by staying at home..... but God has shown me that my family and my role as the caretaker is my "job."
I want my priorities to be first to Christ and then to my family. I want my actions to support my love for them and support for them. When I arrive in heaven someday and I am introduced to eternity, I want to be announced as carpooling mom and loving wife. :) I see now that I can set an example to others about Christ centered homes and Christian parenting! God has allowed me to experience the joys and pains of families to help me and prepare me for this next step!
So, Tues. morning car rides to the North are long and tiresome but this one was well worth the drive! My quiet time that morning, helped me center on God's gentle whisper. I had no distractions, no cell phones, no e-mail, no people.... just me and God! I have been praising Him for coming and meeting me that morning in the car. I am smiling now as I look back on that time and remember the goosebumps on my arms and the gentle tears of joy that fell down my face. My God is AWESOME!
Dear Lord, you amaze me! I am so excited Lord about this life and about the next step in this journey. Thank you God for taking an ordinary road trip to make me realize how much I need you and how much I love You! I am excited God about being the keeper of my home. Lord, I want to do this job in a way that honors You and showers love on those closest to me. Sometimes, God I question Your ways and Your timing. Remind me God to have patience and in Your perfect timing, you will guide me and lead me into the next step. God Teach me! God Grow me! I am so excited God to make a difference in this world for You! God, I pray that the accomplishments of my life are glorifying to You and that my household and my family shouts your praises and lives a life that exemplifies You! I love you and I desire you and welcome you into my life and into my soul. Remove anything that is of this earth and of this life and replace it with You! -- Amen.
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