A Different Perspective

I got the phone call.... Monday Morning around 7:30am
It was my brother Bryan
Uncle Mac had passed away that morning

He had been sick for a long time with cancer
He told our family long ago that he didn't want any treatment
He was going to die at home, not in a hospital

I talked with mom later that morning
She seemed quiet and distant
2 brothers in 4 months is a lot to handle
I didn't know what to say

I didn't know Mac very well
He lived in Philly for most of his life
He eventually moved to Avalon NJ for the last two years of his life
He was 55 when he died

I decided to go to the funeral
Not because I knew him well or felt a great personal loss
I was worried about mom and Uncle Mike and Aunt Andrea
I wanted to be there for them.....

The trip was 9 hours
I prayed along the way for three things
God be Glorified
My family to be comforted in their loss
And that relationships with Jesus would be strengthened
I wasn't sure exactly what I was getting myself into really.....

I arrived Thursday afternoon around 4pm
I immediately walked the 4 blocks to the beach
The most peaceful place on earth
Sand between my toes
Wind that would take your breath away
Ocean air that smelled fantastic
And shells.... HUGE shells

I began to understand why Mac wanted to die here....
so peaceful
so quiet
so beautiful

I returned to the house where he died
No one was there.
As I walked up the front steps, mom pulls into the driveway
I give her a big hug and kiss
She assures me she is ok and ushers me in to meet Mac's best friend Richard
He reaches for my hand and instead of shaking his hand I lean in for a hug
Something about that hug.
I didn't want to let go - my eyes began to well with tears.
I didn't see that coming but I could feel his loss and his sadness

Family comes in that night
Uncle Mike Aunt Judy Maureen Kyle Mary
Aunt Andrea
Kim
Later Bryan and Irene arrive

We had dinner and small talked for a while
Everyone was ignoring the door closed on the first floor
That was Mac's room
The room where he died
Later that evening mom said there were things that Mike and Andrea should go thru
Things that belonged to Mac
They went into the room......
I heard laughter and talks
Then it got quiet
They left with wet faces and red eyes
My heart was hurting for them.... their loss seemed so real.
So concrete.

Mom sat down that night and told us everything
Mac's final days
His pain and His joy
She told me about her final conversations
She told me about friends who came hours to be with him and say good-bye
She told me about neighbors who bought plates and plates of food to the house
She told me about Mac's final hours
Her last time with him and the pain he was in
I just sat there and listened.
She needed me to listen.
I didn't have any magic words to say.
I didn't know Mac. There wasn't anything comforting about this situation.
2 brothers in 4 months......

The next day is a blur
We all got ready and went to the church
Mom introduced me to Mac's Friends
Tommy Reeder, Burke, Richard....
They talked about Mac all day.
They shared stories and laughed.
Bagpipes played that day.....
There wasn't a dry eye in the house
Mac had a very rich Irish heritage that he was very proud of

The stories about Mac were warm and inviting
Stories of him sailing from Maine to Key West
Stories of a birthday party with food from every shack on the NJ island
Memories of Rolling Stones concerts and sing-songs
T-shirts made for friends
Pictures that were worth a thousand words
Smiles and tears filled the house and room that day

Each story revealed a different side to Mac
A side that I had never seen
A person who seemed so distant and so different then my memories
I felt the love others had for him
I mourned with them over the loss of a friend....a brother.... a leader
I wasn't expecting this loss
I wasn't sure where these emotions were coming from.

I drove away Friday night with memories of an uncle who was loved
With memories of an uncle who did love and care for others
With thoughts of his friends who missed him and loved him so much
I drove away from Avalon with a love for Mac that I never had
A different perspective and a loss of my own

I left that quiet/tranquil/peaceful place understanding him better then when I arrived
Knowing more then when I came
Being challenged by God to not feel this loss anymore
Not of death but of not knowing the person
The person behind the tears....
Thats my sadness
I missed out on knowing andloving an uncle